Yes but I lost my temper (due to her extreme brattiness) and smacked her rear. That was uncalled for, even I know that, even as I was doing it I knew it was a bad choice, a bad action. Now she hates and mistrusts me even more than she did - and for good reason: cause I'm a hateful monster, a failure as a mother. I asked her forgiveness and she shut her door. Well, why not - I can't forgive myself, why should she?
Finding it hard to justify my existance if all I do is cause harm to those I love. What a horrible useless failure I am. Worst mother on earth.
You are not a hateful monster hun. The saying goes you hurt the ones you love most. It probably is not your daughter you hate anyway. It is her actions. The choices she makes. The situations she puts you in. These are what you hate. I think you are doing the best you can under the circumstances. She often does not give you the chance to parent her in the positive way you would choose to. :hug:
Hun, I know we've never "talked" talked. But, I feel as if I know you by your posts and lovely poems. I do not beleive for one second you are a bad mother. You may have made a mistake, but that's something we ALL do. It's called being human. You are not a super being (well you are a super person, just no super powers :wink: ), hun. you can't do everything or everything perfect. You are a wonderful caring person, and you are not the worst mother on earth, because my mother let her husband sexually and physically abuse me for years (also knowing it) and she's not the worst mothr in this world, so you sure aren't. I can honestly say I care hun, I really do, you have touched me so much in your threads and poems, there's noway that diplomatic, kinda-hearted, poerty writting sweetie is a "monster". Please know you are a very very special person. I admire you and look up to, you I hope to be a Sooz someday... oh my, I am actually crying. :ohmy:
Hi Least. Being angry, even extremely angry does not mean that you hate your kids. By comparison, how many children and even teenagers have told one or both of their parents in a fit of rage " I HATE YOU !!!" and then come back later to prove that it was just a childish over-reaction?
To put things into perspective ( hopefully ) remember that you are already operating from a place of being totally drained emotionally, how much patience do you think you have left ? Hmmm?
I know that when I'm in public and I hear some screeching, crying, little kid and the mother allows the little brat to just go on and on...I just want to walk up to
the kid and slap the hell out of him !!!! I see the look in the faces of most of the other people and they are thinking the same thing. Does that mean that all of the angry bystanders are potential "child-killers" ? Of course not !
Not every normal human response neccessarily embodies a noble and selfless reaction. I'm sorry that's just the way humans are put together. If you ( or anyone ) wouldn't tolerate childish behavior from other children, why would you tolerate it from your own ?
I have read many, many of your posts, and you appear to be almost supernaturally kind and compassionate, even compared to the other kindhearted souls here on the forum.
Apparently you simply reached your limit. With you it perhaps took longer because of your genuine gentle nature but you are still made of flesh and flesh has it's limits.
If you are really scared that you may over-react, besides coming here for support, are their any other internet groups for parents who are suffering from an emotional overload ? Surely you are not alone in experiencing this. I hope things lighten up for you so that you can regain your strength and push past this. WE, the tortured souls who visit this forum, need you to feel better, first for yourself and then so that you can lift us up.
Least, I smacked my son about 5 times in his entire life, every time it was cos I had lost it over his totally pushing me to the edge.
Kids have a real knack of knowing just how to push our buttons. We have talked about the times he got smacked (now he's older) and he says that everytime it was justified.
Hang in there hun, she will look back and be ashamed for being a brat.:flowers: :hug:
Thank you all for the kind and understanding replies. I woke up this am feeling ashamed of my actions.:sad: I will again ask her forgiveness and hope she gives it, but I do not feel I deserve it as this has happened many times before - her behavior, my reaction - so I can understand if she doesn't believe my sincere apologies.
And I just HATE MYSELF when I lose it so badly that I hit her - even a mild smack on the rear, which is all I do, is so base and only shows that I"ve lost my temper, cause discipline is given out of love, not anger.
I will try today to not lose it so badly, to ignore her rude and disobedient behavior and lack of doing chores... but it's SO HARD to take, me being worked to a frazzle already and then to have so much mess to wade thru...
Hey Least im not a parent and have little useful words and certainly no wisedom to add.....i just wanted to say well done for gettting throug better with your daughter today.....and more importantly than that Least you are one of the kindest,nicest,gentlest people i have known......just please remember that you are human too.Please dont be so harsh to yourself.At least you are willing to analyse the things you do and think about and evaluate them etc.That is a great thing.Hugs.