Only Attracted to "Hot" Women

[anonymousguy]

I'm not talking about women with high fevers, and I probably don't need to tell you what I mean by "hot". It makes me feel like a jerk. Of course there is more to women than their looks, but I can't imagine myself being with a woman who I didn't have a strong physical attraction to. I also can't imagine a pretty woman, who can have any guy she wants, settling for a guy who looks like me (average looking at best). I should also mention that whenever I'm around women that I find attractive, my brain goes to mush, I can't carry a conversation, both my fine and coarse motor skills diminish, I develop a speech impediment, and my underpants shrink. OK I made the last one up.

I know that I'm capable of getting a girlfriend. I know that this one girl is into me (for reasons I do not understand), and it would be as simple as asking her out. But, I have absolutely no physical attraction to her. She's not repulsive looking, and she has a nice smile, but she's fat. I feel like I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life, and this is one of the reasons I want to commit suicide. I know that I don't have to be alone, but at least while I'm young and my libido is rampant I want a woman who is sexually desirable. It's not wrong of me to want this is it?

The one thing I want more than anything else seems completely out of reach. I'm thinking of going one step down and just hiring a prostitute. I don't want just sex, I want a relationship too. But some sex is better than no sex, even if it's charged by the hour.

Please comment if you have anything to contribute.

-AG

 

[BioHomocide]

Try changing your attitude towards women and you will find someone.

 

[anonymousguy]

Well that's the problem right there. I can't choose who I'm attracted to. I can choose to go out with someone I'm not attracted to, but is that fair to her? I would choose to be gay if it were possible, I find relating to and talking to men much easier. But that could be entirely because I'm not attracted to them.

 

[BioHomocide]

Well that's the problem right there. I can't choose who I'm attracted to. I can choose to go out with someone I'm not attracted to, but is that fair to her?

Well making your expectations to high is just gonna set you up for failure. For a lasting relationship you will need to compromise on somethings. Not every woman can be a super model.... but that doesn't mean a average woman couldn't make you happy.

If you continue to base your search for a woman on purely on how hard she makes you..... you will just end up hard and alone. Not everything in this world is sex.... Don't let the media control your view of who is attractive. Don't let the media lie to you.

 

[pinkpetals33]

I'm not talking about women with high fevers, and I probably don't need to tell you what I mean by "hot". It makes me feel like a jerk. Of course there is more to women than their looks, but I can't imagine myself being with a woman who I didn't have a strong physical attraction to. I also can't imagine a pretty woman, who can have any guy she wants, settling for a guy who looks like me (average looking at best). I should also mention that whenever I'm around women that I find attractive, my brain goes to mush, I can't carry a conversation, both my fine and coarse motor skills diminish, I develop a speech impediment, and my underpants shrink. OK I made the last one up.

I know that I'm capable of getting a girlfriend. I know that this one girl is into me (for reasons I do not understand), and it would be as simple as asking her out. But, I have absolutely no physical attraction to her. She's not repulsive looking, and she has a nice smile, but she's fat. I feel like I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life, and this is one of the reasons I want to commit suicide. I know that I don't have to be alone, but at least while I'm young and my libido is rampant I want a woman who is sexually desirable. It's not wrong of me to want this is it?

The one thing I want more than anything else seems completely out of reach. I'm thinking of going one step down and just hiring a prostitute. I don't want just sex, I want a relationship too. But some sex is better than no sex, even if it's charged by the hour.

Please comment if you have anything to contribute.

-AG

IMO, I believe that if you focus and spend more time on what makes YOU ATTRACTIVE instead of focusing on what the other person is and isn't, you will attract naturally people of the caliber you desire......it's not about you being average.......it's about what makes YOU special and desireable for that KEY woman to be in your life.

Most of the women I have talked to, don't necessarily look at men for physical attraction entirely......small things attract them instantly.....like men with confidence (not cockiness). It could be the way he is so focused........quiet yet engaging. I knew one woman who loved men who wore tank watches......

 

[anonymousguy]

Well making your expectations to high is just gonna set you up for failure. For a lasting relationship you will need to compromise on somethings. Not every woman can be a super model.... but that doesn't mean a average woman couldn't make you happy.

If you continue to base your search for a woman on purely on how hard she makes you..... you will just end up hard and alone. Not everything in this world is sex.... Don't let the media control your view of who is attractive. Don't let the media lie to you.

Truthfully, my expectations aren't THAT high. Maybe I should have been more specific, but I'm not saying I'm only attracted to super models. All I'm saying is I need some attraction. Otherwise what's the point? I know there is more to the world than sex, but you can't deny it is important to many people.

But you're right, I am setting myself up for failure. It's completely unreasonable for me to want to be with someone I'm attracted to.

By the way, I don't buy that the media controls my view of who is attractive. The general public has a general consensus of what they see as beautiful, and the media uses those images because they generate more revenue. It's not as if whoever the media portrays frequently is who is seen as more attractive.

 

[noplacetogo]

This is quite a dillemma you're facing here. Maybe you can pull a Pretty Woman... find yourself a really hot prostitute, (don't forget to take off her blonde wig, because underneath are lucious ringlets of red hair) woo her and then make her your girlfriend so you don't have to pay her for sex anymore. make sure she doesn't have a pimp though, that would make wooing her a little difficult.

 

[anonymousguy]

IMO, I believe that if you focus and spend more time on what makes YOU ATTRACTIVE instead of focusing on what the other person is and isn't, you will attract naturally people of the caliber you desire......it's not about you being average.......it's about what makes YOU special and desireable for that KEY woman to be in your life.

Most of the women I have talked to, don't necessarily look at men for physical attraction entirely......small things attract them instantly.....like men with confidence (not cockiness). It could be the way he is so focused........quiet yet engaging. I knew one woman who loved men who wore tank watches......

This post inspires hope. I know that you're correct because I've witnessed it. My problem is that I'm too nervous and none of my good qualities have a chance to reveal themselves. How do I gain confidence in these situations? Any tips?

 

[pinkpetals33]

This post inspires hope. I know that you're correct because I've witnessed it. My problem is that I'm too nervous and none of my good qualities have a chance to reveal themselves. How do I gain confidence in these situations? Any tips?

IMO, it always helps to deal with the mental/emotional side of what the fear is and why....

Asking yourself WHY you feel nervous.....

What is the worst that will happen if you say "HI."

Confidence is like weight training.........you become more stronger and more cut.

A running checklist of yourself is helpful. Small things like, being groomed,mannered and sincere and honest. Have an understanding what your definition of dating is......what your values and interests are.....Too much game playing and dishonesty out there.

Doesn't mean people have to be abrupty forward but realistic and honest. Alot of us Im sure spend a good deal of time developing the areas of ouselves that need strenghtening.

Reality is, rejection does exists....it doesn't mean that you are less than or unattractive....it just means weeding out all those people to get closer to that ONE woman that is truly yours for life. She does exist......if you never pony up and get with it.......the chances are slimmer.

Play to win, not lose.

 

[odnox]

Confidence is like weight training.........you become more stronger and more cut.

Awesome post! Fully agree!

And like weight training, confidence grows even more when you push for just a little bit more each time. Muscles grow when they're pushed to their limit, so too is confidence.

Again, that was a great post, pinkpetals!

 

[firehawk1]

actually, its the same for women more and more these days. they are only attracted to white "fit" guys. I have had ALOT of experience in this ok, so dont judge things which you dont have an experience of, or walked a mile in my shoes.

only care about looks...nothing else. then they complain that a man is all about sex....

 

[pinkpetals33]

actually, its the same for women more and more these days. they are only attracted to white "fit" guys. I have had ALOT of experience in this ok, so dont judge things which you dont have an experience of, or walked a mile in my shoes.

only care about looks...nothing else. then they complain that a man is all about sex....

I believe it depends on many variables of the women.. I don't agree that women are MORE attracted to white fit guys. This as you you say, is your experience.

Myself as a women and having worked with women,raised in an all women environment and the women in my personal friendship life, IMHO, do not soley rely on looks or have ideals......don't misunderstand me. They appreciate a well groomed/clean man...it doesn't mean they have an "steretypical standard." In fact, we tend to appreciate all the litle other things into the equation.

Without a doubt, attraction may more so be sparked by physical attractivenness but that in itself varies from person to person.With regard to women who say men only want sex, I tend to view it this way, WOMEN need to be responsible in their own actions to exude the right messages and coduct themselves to their morals and values.

You sound like you haven't the right women for YOU????


Each person is responsible for themselves.

 

[pinkpetals33]

And like weight training, confidence grows even more when you push for just a little bit more each time. Muscles grow when they're pushed to their limit, so too is confidence.

This is ingenious......

Done with a good Grrrrrrrrrrr. I always remembered that when I use to frequent a gym and the men who growl while doing their weights.

 

[odnox]

I really liked this article by Henry Rollins about weight lifting. Good article about confidence too.

It wasn't until my late twenties that I learned that by working out I had given myself a great gift. I learned that nothing good comes without work and a certain amount of pain. When I finish a set that leaves me shaking, I know more about myself. When something gets bad, I know it can't be as bad as that workout.

 

[pinkpetals33]

I really liked this article by Henry Rollins about weight lifting. Good article about confidence too.

Very true. We become more resilient to challenges we fear.

As a former long distance runner, I remember thinking that after 26.2 miles, nothing could be worse.........hit the wall and you're good to go.

Are you an athlete Odnox?

 

[odnox]

Are you an athlete Odnox?

Not really much anymore. I was the fat nerdy kid growing up. Played some sports as a kid, but never liked the "team" part of team sports. Joined the Army and got in fantastic shape and felt alive. Then like most people over the years, life and work and stress took their toll. So, a couple years ago I started looking over my life and realized that I felt the best physically and mentally when I was in the Army and decided to get back into that kind of shape. And to get my confidence to where it was then. Been lifting off and on for a couple years. Still have more to do, but I am feeling strong again, which is amazing. Highly recommended.

Endorphins and adrenelin are awesome!

 

[SadDude87]

Ofcourse you need some attraction. Why stay with someone you aren't attracted to, I wouldn't and I would not expect a woman to either. What sets up failure is pursuing something when there is no spark to begin with.I imagine though as people get older, they just settle for someone they like, since companionship, and just finding someone you can stand to be around becomes more important than sex

 

[colt45]

I was the same way for a while prehaps I still am a bit.

I know how you feel.
With looks that is all that we know of a women. It weird; I know.

We are taken in too much my what the standard for beuty should be.

We men are animals.

 

[Dessao]

Challenging your assumptions

"a pretty woman won't settle for an average guy"

Why not? Everyone is different, everyone looks for different things. Even if this WAS true in general, you only need to fine one. What ARE your strengths? What do your friends like in you?

"there is something wrong with wanting attraction/looking for sex"

I dunno... doesn't everyone want that? I mean the intensity changed with age for me, and priorities shifted, but sex is always in there.

Again everyone is different, including yourself. Don't be afraid to go get what you want. My only upfront advice is to be reasonably honest to that other person about what you're out for.

 

[klodo]

I think women on the whole are more likely to pick men for their personality rather than looks. I read that men are far more concerned with looks which makes them appear more shallow but is really because of evolution.