Some people experience mental illness, some understand mental illness and others will never understand what it is like... A battle within your own mind, a conflict, a war between knowing what you want, what you need and what is right for you... I cannot help but struggle at the moment with the conflict... What I want cannot be attained, what I need is something infinitely more complex, and what is right for me is to let go of it all... By let go, I mean to stop thinking about what I want and need, but I cannot see anything but darkness at the moment. The stress and struggle of work are overwhelming me. It feels like I am in a rowing boat in the middle of the south pacific ocean, with waves crashing all around me, my boat is rocking to and fro and I have no control. Life (the south pacific ocean) is steering me in whichever way it sees fit, and I just want some control back. Nothing drastic but I just want a bloody rudder to help me feel like I can control my direction. Sorry for the allegorical methaporisation of my mental state, but it is all that I can come up with.