I only feel like i am still on this earth because of other people. But it isnt a good thing. I already feel so much guilt for things, alot more than i probably should feel and i think that if i did it i would feel more and i couldnt leave my mum and everyone to deal with it and i dont no where i would do it cause i wouldnt want no one in my family to find me. And we have just found out my nan has cancer so everyone is going to be dealing with that, and i feel like i aint going to be able to take it and it is going to tip me over the edge. I just really dont the point of life. I mean it seem's you can have it really good or if you have it bad, you have it really bad. I do feel like i have it really bad, i am sure there is someone out there who has it worse than me it just doesnt feel like it. I dony belive in God anymore, not sure if i ever did, i didnt really know what or who God was when i was younger and my mum told me to belive in him but now i dont have that faith. I kind of wish i had cause even though i personally think God isnt real it seem's a good thing to belive in :wink: But i cant pretend to or not say what i do really think about God and Religion. But i sort of feel like i am only still here cause i am waiting for a miricale, not to do with God or anything, but i am never going to find one and once it really hits me that i am not i dont know what i will do. I just dont see why i should stay here with all this pain and misery and hate when i could just end it all but there are stuff stopping me, which are stupid stuff cause i am living for other people not for myself anymore. I just dont want to be. I am so confused about everything. Sorry for rambling i just needed somewhere to vent my thoughts.