only loved ones I know are moving away

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by flowers, Feb 5, 2011.

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  1. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I do not really know where to put this. so I am putting it here because to me its a tremendous crisis. I am not sure that it qualifies for a crisis compared to what others write.

    I am a recluse. Once people get to know me, they do not really want to be around someone who is sick. I dont want to continue to be rejected. The pain has been too great. Also I naturally am a recluse even though I do need people. I suffer with severe anxiety and panic attacks, depression. The thing that kept me going was my "kids". I didnt give birth to them. But have been with them on the phone for 5 years minus the time they were in England for 6 months when they had contact with me once a month.

    Yesterday they got news that the visa has been approved to move permenantly to England. I will have one more week to be with them. Then after that I will get a call about once a month. Other than that the only contact I have with people is someone once a month for an hour. and the grocery store clerks. I cannot find a therapist who takes both of my insurance. I need someone who takes both. Others have tried to find someone for me, to no avail. I could go to the county mental health. But they are often dangerously ill equipped, from all accounts I have head. And this was my experience when I called there. They treated me in a rather rude way. I am too fragile to be hurt right now. So I cannot try the county mental health.

    Last night I took enough medication to allow me to sleep. I slept for about 14 hours. But I cannot do that again tonight. Its almost like the last straw. I am so alone except for the time almost every day when I get to talk to my kids. Its how the panic attacks stopped. I know its codependent. But it is the way it is. And now they are leaving. I have less than a week left to be with them. 6 days. And I am not even positive about that. Because in preparing to move, for good, there is a lot of work to be done. I think they may just sleep at night instead of talking with me.

    I prayed so hard last night for God and the angels to take me. Prayed and prayed. I continually begged. I woke up .... so sad that I was awake. I longed to die in my sleep. So deeply wanted this. But I woke up. To the nightmare. As I was driving today I prayed that I will die instantly. But I made it home..... sadly alive.

    My phone rings only when my kids call. And one person who loves to suffer and complain. And she is full of rage. So I try to not answer the phone when she calls. But my kids are amazing and wonderful. When they went to England for the first time, it was only for 6 months. when they returned I cried for the first 2 months on the phone with them. The pain had been so intense without them.

    Please do not condemn me for what I am saying. i know its wrong to feel this way. Please dont say anything hurtful. I am in too much pain now. I just need some words of compassion and caring. Thank you
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 5, 2011
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I am so sorry they are moving but so impressed how much you love them enough to send them on their way although it will be so painful for you...I have some experience with health care reimbursement so if I can be of any help, please PM me and let me know...also, PM me when they go away so I can support you...big hugs, J
  3. warrabinda

    warrabinda Well-Known Member

    agree with sadeyes
    the love you have for them is such a beautiful thing.
    and it would hurt them if you did anything to yourself

    what are the circumstances of them leaving? why are they moving to england?
  4. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Hello Flowers!

    I am sorry you are in so much pain. I don't think that the way you feel is wrong.

    I think you deserve so much love and happiness, and I hope that you find that!!!

    :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

    :console: :console:

    maybe you could try group therapy. I think that usually it is less expensive.

    sometimes there are community health centers that offer therapy on a sliding scale basis.

    are you getting medication now?

    maybe exercise and meditation would help?
  5. Cute_Angel_Xx

    Cute_Angel_Xx Account Closed

    Hey Flowers,

    I am sorry to hear about your loved ones moving away my auntie lives in canada were in the UK we talk to her as many times as we can for free, we talk through MSN webcam, could you speak to them like that and keep in contact with them?
    I agree with May, you should or get in to group therapy or speak to your GP as he/she may be able to help you. I can really feel your pain your going through a lot :hug: Please keep reaching out to us you are one amazing person Flowers, you have a kind heart and will find more people who love you here there everywhere, please keep reaching out for support sending hugs & Love :wub:

    Look after yourself flowers
  6. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    perhaps you can keep in touch more than once a month. try skype. it's free. i use it to talk to my sister in ireland and my dad in bc.
  7. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Thank you everyone for your responses. I do appreciate them. Sadly, the last time they were there, they did not want to talk to me more than once a month. It went from every night to once a month. This is the future. Of course I am sending them off with good wishes and support. I wrote a letter on their behalf to imigration. So I am supporting them as much as possible in this move. It is a loss that is very painful indeed. as for them missing me if I take my life, I must do what I must do. As they do what they must do. they have all the support and love they need in England. I will be no longer needed. As was before when they had a 6 month visa. This time its a permenant visa. They will not return to live. England is their home now. I hope this explains things. It just came as a huge shock. Because usuially immigration does not work this quickly. They will have a good life there. And they did not need me at all when they were there. Just the way it is. Thanks again
  8. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    *hugs* flowers...
  9. Cute_Angel_Xx

    Cute_Angel_Xx Account Closed

    Flowers you are still needed by members on here who love you and care for you, who would hate to see you gone or suffering please don't do anything that will hurt yourself Flowers. England is a safe place most of the time, it where I come from. So they are safe and I hope they are happy. Flowers you need to get yourself some help as this move seems very difficult for you and it's affecting you, could you talk to someone please. Your loved by me and many others don't gotget that OK? I'll keep you in my prayers Flowers. Speak soon :hug:
  10. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Could you move to England too?
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    That's a good idea :hug:
  12. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    "And they did not need me at all when they were there"

    They will always need you, trust me.
    Sometimes true love is letting go, its the hardest thing i have ever, ever done.
    But to set free and give freedom is a great gift.
    Love them equally from afar as when they are close.
    Holding the reigns on lifes bad emotions ( loss, jealousy,guilt,anger, hate etc) is a challenge we all face daily.
    I guess what im trying to say is sometimes we have to hold our own hearts and love ourselves for being able to give to others.
    Come and find me anytime.
    I wish you so well.
    Regards Pete x
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