only one choice

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by chrism67, Jun 7, 2012.

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  1. chrism67

    chrism67 Well-Known Member

    Im very disconnected. Ive been. dissassociating alot. Im loosing alot of time. Im cutting atleast on a daily basis. Sometimes . I have no memmory of it. Im also very suicidal.I have a full plan. Ive even tried it out. I cant take anymore. Im a burden to everyone. I made a safety contract withy therapist. I dont lnow how long i can hold on.
     
  2. supermodel

    supermodel Well-Known Member

    First take the tools that you're cutting with and throw them in the trash. I've experienced disassociating. I just went through the motions of life without feeling or being connected to anything. It actually took me to get diagnosed with an incurable illness that actually made me feel again. It also made me very conscious of my health and wanting to keep it intact. You never know how important your health is until you start to lose it.

    The fact that you're seeing a therapist is a good sign. I'm also glad you came here! Another good sign. Regardless if you believe it or not, you deserve to be here in this world. Keep fighting love. Life is full of challenges and heartbreak. It makes you wonder why the hell you're even here. I've had horrible things happen to me in the past year, but I'm not giving up.

    Neither should you.

    Keep fighting. If you have to, draw a butterfly in the place where you cut. Every time you cut in that place, you're injuring that beautiful butterfly. The butterfly deserves a chance just like you.

    Fight.
    Choose life.
    Don't give up.:hugtackles::hugtackles:
     
  3. chrism67

    chrism67 Well-Known Member

    Im really having a hard time mot acting on it. I cant take anymore. Im cutting twice a day to deal with it. Im feeling very disconnected. And sometimes i loose like half an hour, i just dont remember it. Maybe i could start my plan then. I just cant cope anymore. Everything is too much. Im single with four kids. Im just so overwhelmed.
     
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Maybe you need more intensive treatment at this time...did you speak to your therapist about that? Is there anyone who can watch your children so you can get some respite? Or any medication, or increase in therapy that can be recommended? Also, since you are in the US, there is very good respite care when parents feel so strung out...can someone put you in touch with a social worker or home care agency that might be able to help you
     
  5. chrism67

    chrism67 Well-Known Member

    In my area there are no respite care. All they do is throw u in the hospital. I really dont want yo wake up. I did run through my plan. But my therapist made me promise my safety but i dont know how long i can. Everyday brings a whole new set of problems. Im so overwhelmed. I have no help. Im cutting myself deeper and i dont remember anything. Im dissossiating and i feel very disconnected, spacey or like in a fog. Im just a burden to everyone. Im sorry im bothering everyone her. Im sure there are other people more worthy of your attention. Sorry.
     
  6. chrism67

    chrism67 Well-Known Member

    I just cant do it anymore. Ive been putting on the face for people. Just cant do it. Life is just too hard.i dont want to be here amymore. Everything is in order. I cant do one more day. The only person i have is my therapist and all he will do is put me in the hospital. That never solves amything.
     
  7. chrism67

    chrism67 Well-Known Member

    I just cant do it anymore. Im way overwhelmed. Im done.
     
  8. letmego3

    letmego3 Well-Known Member

    Try finding something interesting to do that you enjoy. this might distract you from your problems and maybe help you cope better knowing you have something to do or look forward to. Are you stressed? if yes then just try to do your best each day and don't worry if you make mistakes or have setbacks. Keep posting (if you want) your not a bother and you are worth the attention.
     
  9. chrism67

    chrism67 Well-Known Member

    I cant distract myself. Theres no climbing out of this hole. I just cant take it anymore. I have all my ducks in a row. Jusy need a time to go.
     
  10. chrism67

    chrism67 Well-Known Member

    I am way overwhelmed. I just cant do it anymore. Im in a very dark place. Theres no way out. Im a burden. I have no hope to ever feel better. Sob, sob.. Thanks for listening. But i feel that i dont even deserve that.
     
  11. Drake

    Drake Well-Known Member

    Well how about telling to yourself and others what the hole is ?
    You could talk to your therapist , but sometimes talking to people who you do not have a connection with .
    Or not paying to talk to too ... you also talk to yourself .

    So basically why not give it a try , then see if somebody can give you answer you need .
    You can always reject the answer and do what ever you had planned .
    What is the difference anyway .. in trying ..
     
  12. jeremiah1026

    jeremiah1026 New Member

    You're not a burden to anyone, honestly there are so many people who would want to help you through this. There are so many people out there that love you and worry about you. It's a very good thing that you are talking to a therapist. I hope he/she helps you and gives you encouragement to keep going. And take those tools out of your life. You don't need to harm yourself in any way. If you remove anything that can cause you harm and if you have one of your loved ones by your side you will be fine. Don't disassociate or disconnect because help will be there. You are a brave and loving person and the world needs more people like you. A light will be there to make you feel safe and secure. Never feel that you are alone in this world.
     
  13. chrism67

    chrism67 Well-Known Member

    I went to my therapist and he wanted to put me in the hospital. I have nobody to watch the kids. So i put the face on and after making a commitment to call him 24/7. He let me go. I know i have to go in because i will make an attempt. I dont want to be here anymore. I have so many symptoms and feelings floating around, i cant take it. All i think about it killing myself. I always pray to not open my eyes in the morning.
     
  14. Sharpshooter

    Sharpshooter New Member

    You have 4 gorgeous kids.

    I'm sure they love you to bits.

    What drives me suicidal is that I don't have any friends and have never had a girlfriend and I'm 25 coming 26. Embarresing and I may be like this for the rest of my life ugh.

    I know its all about perspective, what you have is something which would make me happy. A partner and a family.

    There's a lot of negatives sure, but try and focus on some of the postives, they've got to be some surely.
     
  15. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni


    Take a few steps back and think about what you are saying. You say you cannot be in the hospital because you have nobody to watch your kids. You then follow that by stating you will make a suicide attempt. I am wondering who will watch your kids when you are gone? Would it not be better to go into the hospital and seek wellness and a cure rather than leave and have your kids have nobody whatsoever? YOU are important, but your first priority is your children. Work toward wellness so that they can experience a chance at a life with their parent and not a life with "nobody to watch them."
     
  16. chrism67

    chrism67 Well-Known Member

    I am working on getting someone to watch them. Then im all set. Everything will be all lined up. So i wouldnt be leaving them to noone. Its only amatter of time.
     
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