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only one purpose

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Wastingecho, Nov 18, 2011.

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  1. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    i only have one purpose left in my life - get my kids through college

    one daughter should graduate this spring, the other in a year and a half

    and i don't know how to get the money to finish this year

    sold that last little bit of stock that i have - that will pay for one off-campus apartment for the spring

    leaves me $9,000 short

    trying to get hardship disbursement from retirement fund - looking into loans but my credit stinks

    this is the last meaningful thing i can do with my life and i'm fucking it up

    hate failing when they are so close to doing something i never did

    don't know why i expected different

    not sure how long insurance will take to pay - think i should check out early and let them graduate without me - it's the last thing i have to offer
  2. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    You have value as a person and father, not just as a source of college funding.
    Maybe some therapy or counseling would help you.
    Your children would probably rather have you alive and in their lives.
    It's good that you're posting here, sometimes discussion can help clarify things.
  3. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    That's where you're wrong - not saying they see me that way

    I see me that way

    Getting them through school is my last reason for being here

    Failed at everything else - now i'm failing at this too

    I can't handle any more n especially when it's going to hurt my kids chances to make a future for themselves

    I know I have no future
  4. tx915

    tx915 Active Member

    You've done great getting them this far! That's much more than a lot of fathers would do. There are other options for financial aid, maybe grants and if all else fails there is always student loans. Not that bad to pay back a few years worth. I lost count of how much I owe for student loans going on four years now.

    good luck!
  5. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    Already did the financial aid thing and they have loans as well as jobs at school

    Life insurance is all I have left
  6. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni

    With or without college degree, children rely on their parents all their life to help them and advice them. I am convinced yours kids see you as more than a source of funding and want you around to see them through bad relationships (and good ones), becoming parents themselves etc...Maybe talking to a financial counselor could help, he might be able to think of a solution.
  7. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    try to stick it out a bit longer.
  8. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    They don't need me - no one really needs me - and I don't blame them

    I'm not worth it

    Strange, but only thing keeping me going is knowing that it will all be over soon
  9. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    Didn't sleep well - keep realizing that I've ruinned Christmas as well as lives -just one more failure to add to the list

    Too much - can't stand it any more
  10. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    I know how much you want to be there for everyone and do everything for everyone. And I know that these are your kids but they are also adults now. They can look into different ways to pay for college. You shouldn't need to be the one paying all of it. Their are other ways. And what about your wife? Is she paying too?

    I just feel like you place yourself under way to much pressure and it's not fair to you. You are an amazing father and friend. Sometimes I just wanna shake you and scream that at you. I love you. Hang in there.
  11. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    They're already getting aid and loans and help from their grandmother

    Wife out of work other than a couple of temp jobs for a year now - I know she's frustrated

    My father worked two full-time jobs to provide for us - I can't do that working 2 hours from home

    At the end of my rope - it should fit nicely in the train trestle
  12. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    Then they might have to take out more loans. What if they don't go full time? Wouldn't that spread out the payments a little better?
  13. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    only if they went to school at home - but if they did, the tuition jumps because it's a lot more expensive here

    one more semester and one is finished - the other NEEDS to go full-time to keep her head focused or she may not be able to pick it back up - a break wouldn't be good for her at all

    financial aid office has given all they intend to

    apartment rent for next semester is due by 12/1 - will leave nothing for christmas or car insurance, registration, inspection, possibly a little short on my mortgage

    i have so totally fucked this shit up i don't deserve to keep living - i can't fix things and only make them worse
  14. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    Well if you are dead then you wont be able to work it out. :hug: So dying is out of the of the question ok? Good.

    Now, how much is rent? And could she maybe stay with someone else to make it a little cheaper for you?

    Have you called the financial aid office? They might be able to work something out
  15. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    you are a valuable person
  16. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    tried applying for home equity loan

    doesn't look good - running out of time

    at this point i need the money for car insurance and mortgage as well as school

    not even sure how much money i'll have for groceries this week

    my gut is telling me it's almost over, time to go

    think it's time i listened
  17. crystalclear

    crystalclear Well-Known Member

    Wastingecho, as far as I can see your a great father. I don't think your failing at it. What makes you think that they don't need you. They need you to be there for them. Please understand that you're not just a financier to them. Your their father and I think your doing a great job with it. If you don't mind me asking, does your children have part time jobs? you know, to help with the expenses?
  18. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    both have jobs at school - covers books, food, gas - pragmmatic enough to know they need them but they shouldn't need to - i should have been able to do this - managed the first two years without financial aid but they needed to take out loans for the last two years - but financial aid doesn't fill in all the blanks - that was MY job - and i'm fucking it up
  19. crystalclear

    crystalclear Well-Known Member

    Your children are grown ups I think they'll be able to understand your situation especially now that the economy is really bad. Believe me your not fucking this up. Your devotion as a father and provider is very admirable. I can somehow relate because our situation is kind of the same. Im also in college right now and our family in deep deep debt. And I don't know what I'll do without my parents, not just for the financial support but for just being there. You kind of remind me of my father too. Always trying so hard to make sure we're all taken care of :') Just live your life one day at a time until your back on track. I wish you all the best.
  20. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    Don't have the strength left for many days

    I can't make anyone understand
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