It's sad that the only thing that keeps me safe from harm is that I'll lose my apartment if i do it one more time. I've been using coping skills such as grounding where i tell myself that I'm safe right now cuz there's no plan right now. However i believe that if i feel so bad that i really don't care anymore and i do have access to something, i probably do it again. I just don't want to survive it though. In the meantime, I'm hanging on there. It's only a matter of time.