I've been having these thoughts for awhile now. Especially the last month. IHonestly, I probably would have done it by now if I could find the right time. I am trapped in a terrible marriage. My husband hates me, he abuses me (periodically), he has nothing good to say about me. My teenage daughter hates me. My mom says I was the biggest mistake she ever made. In actuality, I'm not sure I've even been wanted. I can't leave my husband because I fucked up really young. I dropped out of high school and was married and pregnant at 18. I've never worked. If I leave, the kids and I will starve. I'm 34 and I've wasted my whole life. My kids would be better off without me. I just want it over. I've felt this way since I was a teenager. I'm just tired of waiting and praying that the day will just come. If I'm being honest, I don't think I had the guts beforehand, but I think I do now. The only reason I'm asking for help is because I know I'm going to end up doing it but I can't stand the thoughts of the people I love finding me. I can't stand the thought of hurting my kids or leaving my innocent baby boy. I don't know where to turn. I've planned it all out and I think I'm scared that I will actually get the guts to do it this time. I know if I had been given the chance, I probably would have by now but I never have any time alone.