Only truly happy when on drugs

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by the_me_that_you_know, Jul 24, 2007.

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  1. It seems to be that way. Over the last 3 days I've been to three ER's. I recieved : 1st day Percocet 2nd day Darvocet 3rd day Fioricet w/ codiene
    All of them are narcotic. I'm content with my supply of pills right now, yet didn't recieve much of each so it'll last a few days, but only if I'm lucky. Why you ask? My tolerance is high so I don't exactly follow dosing instructions to the letter. Things must be seriously wrong with me if the title of this thread is completely true. & I can't go to NA 'CAUSE STORIES OF DRUG EXPERIENCES MAKE ME LONG FOR DRUGS. Also drugs drive away the impulse to commit suicide. But if this goes on too long one day the drugs will kill me, I just know it. & without drugs my life seems so wretched that I get angry.... sometimes very much so. I feel so lost. No rehab can help me, believe me I've tried. How long must I go on this way? :unsure:
  2. jhayes0027

    jhayes0027 Well-Known Member

    Well, I think a person continues on this way as long as they allow themselves to go on. Have you tried choosing a new crowd of friends or acquaintances to hang out with. I never found any new friends but I lost most of my other ones. For some reason without anyone to be around I just quit doing things. Though this isn't always good as I've became overly depressed and bored.

    Let's see, I can't comment on the NA thing as I've never been and reading about drug stories does bring back memories. I know that first hand. In a way though it sounds like you just need something to do too keep your mind off of these things. Maybe picking up a new hobby or something.

    Sorry if I'm not too helpful, been extremely tired this week and my brain's not functioning as well as normal.
  3. All I have ever had were drugbuddies. My one friend who was not turned and walked away when she saw what I had become..... and this was someone who liked to talk people out of suicide, if need be. No wonder my new best freinds(in physical reality) are narcotics. She made me feel pretty bad by taking those actions. I was talking to her & she just left. No explaination to me at all.

    I need to put myself into my current/only hobby completely; playing music. I would barricade myself in a room in order to accomplish this goal, but there are so many distractions! People always need me to help them with 1 thing or another..... and I am the only one takin care of the cat, which was a family cat but in this case he's my cat now. :D
    Don't be sorry. I'm thankful for your post. :yes:
  4. yeh.

    yeh. Well-Known Member

    i hear ya, i think my ID probs started when i quit marijuana under a series of circunstances, but mainly due hysteria..i can't say either is good or bad, is certainly bad for some people, then again, when i drink i feel better. the thing is i almost stoped listening to music (Which is also my hobby) when i sobbered up. also when i sobbered up..i changed so i don't know. now i drink now and then and while i can't get drunk (i can't seem to) i feel better..and i dont know if i want's like..something i write make no sense to me and viceversa (ans in sober-sad, drunk-so so)

    anyways narcotics are another story, but marijuana affected and affects me.
    maybe i just grew up and so the teenage passion dissapeared? hope not, i miss the passion.

    so anyways i feel better when i drink, yet i can't get drunk. i don't know what you're asking, layne staley killed himself due drugs, i've seen a friend who is just kinda dumb due drugs, and other friend who is ok due pot. so it's controversial. what we a time machine! g'luck-
  5. yeh.

    yeh. Well-Known Member

    i agree though, i don't need drugs to be creative, however sometimes melancholy keeps you from doing your stuff. let's say i don't know what was start and become anxious or drop and become melancholic. im just gonna forget it, if i ever smoke again ill be sure is once a month or so. cause i got a fear for psych meds. so anyways g'luck- i don't however got the desire to become a drug-addict again. so maybe is just that i miss..something..something that i got to GET OVER IT.

    anyays narcotics, will eventually get you hooked and make you sick if you're not on them, specially if you need'em to make you happy. so it's a loss-loss situation, unless you drop'em and find something to replace it- g'luck.
  6. G'luck? OK but I'm currently livin with a person who screams at me day and night..... it's either take drugs or someone will die...... and I don't exactly know which someone it will be.....:mad: :huh: :eek:hmy: :blink: :sad:
  7. jhayes0027

    jhayes0027 Well-Known Member

    Taking the drugs too far could also lead to your death. So that area could go either way. I've gotten to where I just ignore most people whether they be screaming or just a usual talking with me. I can't stand people much anymore. Ignoring is helpful sometimes though, but it's not always good. Just get aggrivating after a while.
  8. Another ER. Another shot of Dilaudid. :eek:hmy: More narcotic painkillers. I know about the physical addiction that makes you sick so I don't take every day, it's about 4-5 out of the week. I really do believe that the title of this thread is true. There may not be anything I can do about it but make an effort to stay in control. Like just now, when I wanted 2 pills I only let myself take 1. Atleast I have that much going for me, because if I face the facts, this is only the beginning. Just the tip of the iceburg. But I am not yet worried. When I'm taking and I'm not happy then I'll be worried!
  9. Psychological addiction is what it all comes down to. However I didn't just wake up one day & say "I need to be high all the time". I was far beyond driven to this point by others' actions that affected my life negatively. There are loved ones out there who have betrayed me & my trust to such an extreme that I would be happy if they no longer existed in my life. But I have to shove everything that I'm truly feeling aside somehow because I still have to deal with these people on a regular basis. It takes everything I have not to hurt or even kill some of them. That's not good for my mind, so I have to numb those feelings somehow.
  10. Feared.Desire

    Feared.Desire Well-Known Member

    Out of all the postes Ive read so far, and I s'pose that's not many being a new member, I can relate to that one the most.
  11. My fucking god I went to an ER and mistakenly made my permanent slasher scars apparent....while the doc said nothing I know the exact point that I brought them to his attn..... so I have a big bottle of Ibuprophen 800, which I take 10 at a time. Fuck what a loser, I can't do anything right. But get this:
    "If at 1st you don't succeed, brush yourself off & try again, You can brush it off & try again" I don't know who sings that but her breathtakingly exquisite voice is forever in my mind. I may have burned 2 ER's to the ground(metaphorically speaking) but there are some that I have yet to even. I'm doing what I feel I must to stay alive. Pretty extreme, I know...... it's all or nothing for me.
  12. Barbados

    Barbados Well-Known Member

    I agree with you, drugs or alcohol, Its sad I know... my mum tells me its sad all I want to do with my life is get pissed, but is there anything more fun? I'm always confused and frustrated by it.
  13. I hate my fuckin government! Why alcohol? Why not weed??? So I can be addicted to A-fucking-vinza? America sucks and I'm moving to Amsterdam asap. Atleast Mexico gives you sedatives over the counter. I'm closer to Mexico anyway. I gotta get out of this country!
  14. Barbados

    Barbados Well-Known Member

    They're making cannabis illegal in Amsterdam somewhen. Also you get mugged easily over there.
  15. Yeah, make it illegal everywhere, way to go world! :rolleyes:

    I can't believe this: I was always craving smoke so much that when I was a teen if I couldn't get it I started smoking ciggarettes...... now I'm addicted to the poisonous nicotine. It's been like years since I've had any chron so now I substitute with the legal drugs.... it's incredible how they call chron the stairway drug. I would probably never have even started all the things I do now if I had just had access to what I wanted in the 1st place, I was just a major pothead. Someone who owed me money offered to pay me in powder & I rejected the offer easily.... told him to come back when he had what I wanted, which was chron & only chron. The drugbuddie with me was pissed at me for not taking the powder but I did not care..... now, however I'm stuck w/ the legal & only legal drugs. These are so much worse for me & I'm so sick of it.... what a fucking country!
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