onother day of painful thoughts

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by datguy, Mar 11, 2011.

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  1. datguy

    datguy Active Member

    the world around me seems so filled with confusion and pain . between the people close to me that hurt from disease or people just hurting people without thinking , i dont understand why people want to be here tomorrow.i feel everybodies pain and it kills me and the torment twists my own life where i cant manage. Cuttting was an old way of transfering the thoughts of pain to a direct pain but it doesnt work anymore and i just have things like fingers that dont work now from cut tendons. i truely feel like i dont want to face another day of disapointment..HOW DO I deal with this i have quit my supervisor position job and sold and gave away almost everything i own as i know whats coming next and im not scared of it but i wish i could be normal and just enjoy the simple things in life that make me happy,,,
    just another day of being alone and backing further into the corner...
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi your post reminds me so much o f myself how i feel the pain so deeply inside of others The thing is you have to look after YOU first okay and get help so you can be strong to get through the pain. Call your doctor and get yourself into hospital NOW okay and get on some medicaiton get some therapy to get you strong inside again. taking on others pain is not helping them or you i learn that the hard way. Please i have been there so i know with therapy and care you can have that life you want okay without the sadness hugs
     
  3. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Im sorry you feel this way, I to feel others pain.

    Please stop making plans to die and try to make plans to live.

    Welcome to SF. Hope to see more posts.
     
  4. datguy

    datguy Active Member

    i dont like asking for help , but it was so bad with my finger hanging and my hands and body was so badly swollen and bruised i figured it was time to get help , the doctors exrayed almost every part of my body thats how bad i was and they did an assesment on me and sent me home and said go to your local hospital for help..the hospital i was at was one with a special ward for people to get help with stuff like that and they sent me away. do they not realize its hard for some people to make the decision to get help,, and just as i thought i didnt go to the other hospital for help. not interested in getting turned away again. I will sit in bed and stay away from the pain this world hands out. maybe one last trip to the mountains to sit up on a cliff by myself where the world actualy seems relaxed and beautiful.then back and wait for my last dollar to go and that will be it...atleast i dont have the urge to cut anymore, cutting just seems so pointless cause even that wont take away or distrack the thoughts of not wanting to be here at all...
    for anyone that reads this and needs help realize you need to get help before you live with it for 16 years and lose everything like i have and thought i should be able to handle it on my own.you cant deal with this stuff on your own , and you shouldnt have too..i have lost everything i have worked so hard for the last 16 years including friends,,, wife,, houses, vehicles, all because i wouldnt get help to deal with my issues.. waited to long and i am not fighting another 16 to try to get it all back .. im cashin out no doubt.
     
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It is never too late to reach out I know you did and you were wrongly turned away Go to your hospital okay and don't leave this time refuse tell them you will end your life if they turn you away tell them how suicidal you are. You get help why because you dam well deserve help like anyone else does so don't let them push you aside okay. You deserve compassion and understanding so please call crisis line go to emergency and get it
     
  6. datguy

    datguy Active Member

    i wish there was someone on here that has battled this kind of hell for as long as i have and how they have managed or recovered. i really have no interest in fighting to get back all the stuff in life i have lost and possibly still get hurt by heartless people in the process like i have been and watch my father my best friend slowly die infront of me . i have lived a pretty good life and had some amazing experiences better then most might ever have but i have lost it all from this extreme depression and i dont want to fight to get it back. I truely hope that the young people on here understand the importance of getting help before you truely do lose everthing... feeling like you have and honestly losing everything is different . if you are at the beginning stages of thoughts like this get help you cant do it on your own..
     
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are so right YOU CAN:t do it on your own depression is so hard to deal with YOu can still fight it though with HELP meds the newer ones you will feel so much better more energy to do the things you use to love Please don't give up just reach out now okay and give yourself a chance to live a peaceful life hugs
     
  8. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    I agree with eclipse. Get aggressive with the hospital. They can't refuse treatment.

    But I'm a little confused, you went to a "special ward for people to get help with stuff like that"? Stuff like what?
     
  9. datguy

    datguy Active Member

    it is a mental help facility where yo book in or get booked in and cant leave and talk to to people to asses you... i lied a bit so i coild leave cause it felt like a lock down and i cant deal with that...i lost it last time i was told i couldnt leave and it was bad so i didnt want that..
     
  10. They don't allow you to leave because they don't want you to do harmful things to yourself outside.. They want to help you so please let them help you.. If you are all-right and they have checked that you are all-right and will not be a harmful threat to yourself, they will discharge you.. No use locking you up when you have recovered.. I allowed them to lock me up and access me thoroughly.. I feel safer that way..

    :hug:
     
  11. datguy

    datguy Active Member

    i have a bad feeling of not being able to be in cotrole of wether i want to leave or not . i want help to understand what might help me but i dont want to be treated like a criminal or insane..i could see being locked down if you wur not safe to others but i would never hurt anyone else without a doubt . i just cant be treated like i dont have a choice of wether i want to leave or not.. i really wish i could talk to someone that has battled some of the same things i have and turned their life around .. i feel like i am in a corner with no possible way out at all..i would love to hear real peoples experiences as i think they would help more to me then a phsyc with a book.it is amazing how calm a person can be when he knows the outcome in a week when his money runs out and he spends the last dollar of debt and wont run any more.
     
  12. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    First of all, not all hospitals are the same. Stay the hell out of state hospitals. Do a little research and see if there are any half-decent private hospitals. You'll want to know what a normal day is like, how many hours of therapy they offer for inpatients per week, and how qualified their staff is.

    I was hospitalized voluntarily at McLean, a very prestigious hospital, for one week. It was, of course, a locked unit, but that didn't really bother me. It bothered my parents more than it bothered me. But the rule was that if you wanted to be discharged early, you necessarily had to stay for 72 hours before you could walk out.

    The locked doors serve a purpose: Insurance companies will not think you're worth paying for unless you're "crazy enough" to need to be locked in, so that's why all the doors leading outside are locked. That's just how it is.

    It was a pleasant experience, overall. No one was dangerous, I made friends with a few people, and I felt like I was in a save environment. I got used to it quickly.
     
  13. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i've been battling suicidal thoughts for a long time. i'm 45 now and first started feeling suicidal when i was 13. i've made three attempts over the years, and been hospitalized 5 times. it does get better.

    when i'm in crisis i take it one day at a time. i promise myself that just for today i won't act on my thoughts. i go back to my doctor and ask for a medication review. sometimes switching my meds helps.

    i was finally diagnosed as bipolar at age 42. that made a huge difference. i got on the correct medication and almost immediately felt better.

    about a year and a half ago i found a good trauma specialist. i am finally dealing with my difficult childhood. a good therapist can work wonders.

    i know what it's like to feel this way for a long period of time. but i want to reassure you that you can get through this.
     
  14. datguy

    datguy Active Member

    thanx dazzel it is people like you that have delt with this that i really want to hear from.. what do you do with the normal everyday responsibilities of life like jobs and payments while you go for help.. i cant afford to just walk away from the regular life responsibilities to get assed and get help... really i am 34 and feel like i have lived my life and dont want to battle the chances of going throught the same life pains i have been through again while i try to recover.. i am pretty set on my future and i really came here just to explain my mistakes to the younger people so they get help now and dont follow the dead end path of trying to handle things on their own like i thought i could..
     
  15. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    really i am 34

    You are so YOUNG my god you have a life time ahead of you So much time to heal and to have the life you want Medication the newer ones therapy do not give up until you have at least tried okay so many paths you can still take please reach out okay reach out now while you are still young
     
  16. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i went on disability for a while so i could concentrate on getting better. it took all my time and energy to focus on getting well. my psychiatrist signed my disability papers and i was approved. i'm glad i did it. it took the pressure off work, i didn't have to keep pretending that everythign was okay.

    you might not need to take time off work, it depends how bad you are feeling. but a good therapist and a good psychiatrist are a must, i think. one for talking and developing new coping skills, and one for medication and diagnosis.

    it's not too late for you. you can still turn this thing around. i believe in you.
    hugs.
     
  17. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Hope your days are treating you better.
     
  18. datguy

    datguy Active Member

    oh i can change my path i am a very positive motivated person and have only made it this far for that reason. however i do not accept it that everytime i take steps forward i am hurt by the thoughts actions of what goes on around me .and its not just my life but what i see around me. so what i accept is the happiness of not having to hurt tomorrow and that is MY decision to change.
    this world is too caught up with things like face book and checking updates of sopposed freinds posted they have never even met then to spend time with there children family or friends.. checking whats on a dating site to just see whats out there when they are still in a relationship but hell divorce and broken families is just a simple toss into the ditch we call lifes norms today..the majority reflect life as nothing is worth having to care for or show compassion or love. there is no such thing as a good nieghbor or a good sumaritan anymore.peoplke say suicide is the easy way out ,, i say i would rather take that then take societies easy way out of turning a blind eye to everything.... but i have fought hard for trying to share my heart in this world and i cant controle the selfishness around me, i am in controle of what i want and i will take my easy way cause i have tried..and trust me i have tried i am not a twenty year old that hasent even seen life yet.
    so i appreciate your thought <<<<doityouself >>>thank you,honestly.. but things arent going to change for me i waited to long to get help and i wont just "accept things cant be changed like i have seen they wont"and the thought of me caring so much about everything and feeling all the pain around me has come to an end...
     
  19. datguy

    datguy Active Member

    and i really dont want to come across as negative on here cause i have experienced the great parts of life, and this is what i am on here for , i want the young people that are on here to understand there are amazing good experiences but need to learn to get help for your emotional problems so you can cope with the small shit life throws at you. stay away from the things like alcohol drugs cutting and things that you think at the time mask your thoughts.. it doesn't and you know that when you calm down the next day , i have been there. dont listen to a shrink that has just read books and might not understand but listen to me, someone that has been through all of it in the last 17 years . and i am not just a nut with problems i have always lived a responsible life to everyone eslses eyes as a supervisor at work or helping others all the time , i was outgoing, but would hit the depression hole and fall in it deep. each time i would lose the ground i fought so hard for to get ahead. if i would have learnt how to get help so i could deal with that shit i wouldnt be in the corner i am in today..
    DONT MAKE LIFE HARDER THEN IT IS , try hard to get help before it gets to the point of no return , and alot of you people that think its there trust me it aint yet. it takes alot to want to wallk away from all the awsome things life has to offer.
    if you feel like you would like to question that talk to me i will show you what is out ther.
     
  20. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    try hard to get help before it gets to the point of no return ,

    The thing is there is no such thing as the point of no return there is always help out there if you reach for it. You are very young yourself so you have the time to continue on living in a good place if you do what you are asking others that are young to do.

    You need to show them that there is help and that there is healing and that age has nothing to do with this If you are in a corner as you say then reach out and grab the hand of someone who will pull you out of that corner.

    you have to take your own advice here get help get healilng and quit wasting valuable time okay start today get the help you need to make tomorrow more livable i am well over your age and dam it i am still fighting and will continue to fight i just started getting help 2 yrs ago and i do hope you don't wait as long as i have.

    there is always a way out okay with help
     
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