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open up pt2

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by silentlyfading, Dec 9, 2013.

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  1. silentlyfading

    silentlyfading Well-Known Member

    So last time I did this I gave you all abit of my life story, ups and downs this time im going to talk about my most recent psychotic episode wich was just over 2 years ago. I don't usually like talking about it as it brings up feelings from that time. In the hope that it may help someone realise signs im going to let it all out. Here goes.

    It was april 2011 after jumping straight out of one relationship into another my head was a mess. Unanswered questions from the first and the uncertainty of making the right decision triggered the situation.
    My new relationship gave me the cover, my family thought I was spending time with my new squeeze, she thought I was talking thing slow. The real reason was my ego was slipping, I was struggling to keep the mask of being ok and previous breakdowns caused alot if heartache in the family so didn't want to be a burden. I disconnected the call button in my apartment and told everyone I had disconnected my land line. I would park my car away from home so people would think I was out. I also booked 2 weeks off work. I was completely alone.
    I didn't sleep at all for 4 days I was either extremely angry or extremely hyperactive, switching between the 2 instantly. The thoughts I was having were unclear it was like driving at 150mph in the dark and trying to see everything around me I great detail, I couldn't separate one thing to another. The only way I could stop these thoughts were to read, watch movies or play video games, at the time I was addicted to anything to do with zombies or anything with an apocalyptic storyline.
    After two more days with no sleep and a head full of apocalyptic scenarios I started to have delusions. I researched alot, prophecies, conspiracy theories, ect. I came to a conclusion that something was going to happen and soon.
    I had a plan I bought alot of ammo for my rifles. I was doing recon and gaining intel in my local area. I was finding good places so stay, useful vehicles, armour, fuel, weaponry, and food. I spent nearly £7000 on bottled water dried foods and batteries, I bought a genorator, gas bottles, and some all in one camouflage motorbike leathers (I still have) figured zombies wouldn't be able to bite through. I was drawing diagrams of vehicles and how I would adapt them, plus how I would fortify my apartment. All photographs I had taken along with adresses, notes and plans were all pinned to a wall in my apartment which I had painted as a local map.
    So my plan was set, a true survival guide, the only thing left was I couldn't do it alone, I had to recruit. I made a poster to recruit people into my faction. I had people in mind. The whole of my family had an invite and any one who I knew would be any good to me I wanted an army. So I printed a load of posters sealed them in an envelope and delivered them by hand in the dead of night.
    All I had to do was wait. My parents opened their poster in the morning and immediately knew what was going on they called all of the relevant people dr's, police, ambulance and my landlord so they could get access if their plan went wrong. My brother called me on my mobile playing along with it saying hes noticed things to and he wanted to start right away. So I invited him up to see my plan. Me and him were alone for about 30mins I don't realise but he had moved all my weapons and was secretly liaising with my parents letting them know the extent I had gone to . I was wearing my camouflage leathers and kevlar knuckled gloves to match.
    My brother told me he had some friends in mind to join my faction and had invited them up and that he would let them in. There was a knock at the door he went t open it whilst I stayed in the sitting room stareing at my plan. The sitting room door opened. It was 2 dr's and a ambulance crew they tried to talk but I was having none of it. I thought it was the government trying to silence me. Worried that they had hurt my brother I started fighting ,bearing in mind I had kevlar knuckled gloves on I was doing some serious damage. Also due to the leathers they couldn't inject me to subdue me. One of the police officers had an idea to pretend he had my mum hostage so I would stop fighting. ... that is all I remember.
    I woke up 5 day s later in hospital, strapped to the bed in my mind all that I had done was a film I seen. I couldn't believe I went that far.
    So yeah that is the most severe and potentially most dangerous episode I have had. Hope this helps people see sign's and understand bibolar a little more. Thanks for reading
  2. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    hi, silentlyfading. Thank you for writing what you did. I am very glad you are doing better. Good that you have a family who cares as they do !
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