opened pandora's box

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by VALIS, Dec 3, 2007.

  1. VALIS

    VALIS Well-Known Member

    Ok, what would you do if you were in my place? Here's what happened today.

    1) Borrowed his jump drive to use for a school paper, noticed that he already had some files on there but separated into a different folder, labeled "(name)'s stuff"
    2)got home, didn't want to start work yet, so opened the folder (he hadn't told me to stay out of it).
    3) found a word document entitled 'that long email you' and opened it.
    4)it was a letter he'd written to his ex a few months ago (he was with her 2 years; we've been together 6 months).
    5) I read it and immediately was are the parts that hurt:
    "I really wanted to do a good job on this email, and hoped that it might make you understand that I still care about you, but that it was I who believed that you cared no longer for me."
    "I still care about you, I still love you. You were the first girl I’ve ever really been with"
    "Just consider that you are exalted in my mind now, as one of the girls I can never be with, but with whom I am lost in love (a company of which you have always been jealous)."
    ...he also mentioned me briefly : "And yes, it is true that we are dating, and are happy" because she knows of me now..
    6) I called him, he was upset and said he didn't know that it was in the folder, and said I shouldn't have been snooping

    It's the one where he says she's exalted in his mind, one of the girls he can never be with, but with whom he is lost in love, and that there are other people in this group....

    he said that he sent the email to make her feel better after she found out he had moved on (she was the one to break it off). is this an excuse enough? what if he's still in love with her? Am I overreacting to feel sick to my stomach? I know I was wrong to look at the file but it comes across like he's in love with other people but just knows he can't be with them because they won't have him...I am so jealous and feel like he's one of those unrequited love people that I don't understand- if it's not reciprocated, I'm gone with the quickness. always.

    I am absolutely certain that he wouldn't cheat, if anyone I would be the one to cheat, but the sex is so good that I would never have to. Its about this wanting to be with people he can't business...what's the point of that. Can I live with that? I feel so confused by this; I've never been in love with somebody past the point where I cut it off. Then again, what if he really was just trying to make her feel better about him moving on??

    I just want to be his one and only, I want him to think nobody is cooler or smarter or prettier in the entire world...and it kills me to think that he is in love with other people, whatever that means to him...I thought the definition of being in love is that you can't do it with more than one person at a time?
  2. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Sorry babe, but the asshole is a liar. Nobody would write or say those things unless they meant it. But you say you would be the one to cheat (if anyone) so why do you care? It might just be your ego demanding attention and not your true feelings. Dump him. Trust me when I say that this will save you much pain and you will be happier in the long run. BTW, he is trying to deflect the blame back onto you by saying that you shouldn't have been snooping. Classic guy manoeuvre.
  3. A_Loser

    A_Loser Well-Known Member

    Yup, he's in love with her ..... dump him. Not trying to sound harsh, but it will save you alot of pain, as Ana said.

    'nuff said about your relationship. I can't understand people who are in a relationship and know they would cheat if something isn't right in that relationship. :dry: