I'm a member here, but I don't want it to be known who. I really don't want anyone to worry about me, but I need to vent some things. My health has never been great, but it's just getting worse. I'm tired all the time, I'm in pain, I bleed for no reason, if I walk for more than a few minutes I cry because of the pain in my legs and feet, my hair is going grey and starting to fall out (I'm in my twenties), the smallest knock and I come out in really big bruises, I'm catching every infection and virus going round. I'm basically fucked. At the moment doctors are stumped as to what's wrong with me, they're doing all kinds of tests, even for things like leukemia. The arm I've had blood taken from is black with bruises. I'm scared. Yet I don't tell anyone what's going on, there wouldn't be any point. Someone I really loved left 4 weeks ago, I want to tell her what's going on and that I miss her and need her but everytime I do the words freeze in my head and my fingers wont type. It would just make her unhappy to know all of this, I can't do that. Not to anyone. So I fake a smile and try to keep everyone else happy and safe and stop them from ripping each other apart. When all I want to do is scream that physically and emotionally I'm dying, that I just need a hug or someone to ask me how I'm doing and really care about the answer I give... But what would be the point? I was a waste of life any way. It's better that no one knows. I can't say any more.