opening up just a little

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by just a person, Jun 11, 2008.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. I'm a member here, but I don't want it to be known who. I really don't want anyone to worry about me, but I need to vent some things.

    My health has never been great, but it's just getting worse. I'm tired all the time, I'm in pain, I bleed for no reason, if I walk for more than a few minutes I cry because of the pain in my legs and feet, my hair is going grey and starting to fall out (I'm in my twenties), the smallest knock and I come out in really big bruises, I'm catching every infection and virus going round. I'm basically fucked. At the moment doctors are stumped as to what's wrong with me, they're doing all kinds of tests, even for things like leukemia. The arm I've had blood taken from is black with bruises. I'm scared. Yet I don't tell anyone what's going on, there wouldn't be any point. Someone I really loved left 4 weeks ago, I want to tell her what's going on and that I miss her and need her but everytime I do the words freeze in my head and my fingers wont type. It would just make her unhappy to know all of this, I can't do that. Not to anyone. So I fake a smile and try to keep everyone else happy and safe and stop them from ripping each other apart. When all I want to do is scream that physically and emotionally I'm dying, that I just need a hug or someone to ask me how I'm doing and really care about the answer I give... But what would be the point? I was a waste of life any way. It's better that no one knows. I can't say any more.
  2. beauutyy

    beauutyy Well-Known Member

    awww,thats so sad<333
    i hope doctors find out whats wrong.and i think you should tell the girl you miss her and need her. it may freeze in your head,but what happens if there is no cure and you never get to tell her how much you care about her? its always good to let the person you love and care about know. and i do hope doctors diganose what's wrong and get you back to shape.

    and you are NOT a waste of life,nobody deserve life just as much as anyone else does.

    you will be in my prayers.
  3. Thank you beauutyy...

    I want to tell her, I really do. I keep hoping that she'll come on here and see how much I miss her, but I doubt that will happen. She's probably already with someone else. I don't mean that in a bad way, she's a very attractive person. Knowing that I'm so ill would make her unhappy, I really don't want to do that to her. How would I say it anyway? I can't even tell this to people I barely know let alone someone who means the world to me. Ever since I can remember I've hidden my feelings to protect other people, and on the few occasions that I have let my emotions out people have got hurt. One person on here knows who I am and me writting this has already made them very worried. I really think it will cause everyone less hurt if I just fade away and they never know what happens to me. I'm sorry what I'm writting is so pathetic.
  4. ohhh

    ohhh Guest

    You know what? I think you're not a bit pathetic.

    I think you should be admired.

    How many people still believe in true love means to bring the other party happiness?

    You had cared for her thoughts, even though you needed her. You put her over yourself.

    I'm proud of that.

    But, probably you should let her know? (Sorry if I sound like I'm contradicting myself, afterall, what do I know, I'm 16)

    Cause, for all you may know, she may still love you, and want to bring you happiness too. She will not be happy if she finds out by herself.

    I suppose you have shared your joy with her, now perhaps you two need to share this together?

    However, do know that, there's still people who love you, whether it includes her or not, okay?

    loves, jess.

    And I'm really sorry for spamming replies like this when I've just joined the site.
  5. Thank you, I really mean that. It's been a long time since anyone's said my actions are admirable, I'm used to being thought of as selfish (or at least asuming that people think that). So thank you, that has made me feel a little bit better at least. I feel torn by not knowing what the right thing to do is. On the one hand if she just discovers what's happening with me I know she'll hurt. I don't want to think about the possibilty but if I'm no longer around she might feel guilty that she wasn't here, I don't want her to feel like that ever. Although to be honest, without her my reasons for fighting to live are pretty small. On the other hand her life might be really good at the moment, she might be happy with someone and not think of me at all. That's probably for the best, I honestly do want her to be happy. I don't want to push my way back into her life and make her unhappy just for my own good. Especially if it turns out that I'll be fine. I have to say that's looking unlikely right now though, today I've had to strap up my wrists and ankles because they hurt so much. I just feel so lost. I'll stop rambling now...
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.