I suffer from severe bipolar disorder, anxiety, and adhd. I have been on ativan to zyprexa, and no medicine has worked -- except one. Opiates make my thoughts stop racing and i am still able to fully function when i take 80 mg of oxycodone (even when i have no tolerance). I have not had any opiates for a few months, and i wonder why i havent killed myself. when i use opiates, i am an addict and ostracized by my family and community, even though it is the only thing that stops my constant unpleasant thoughts. I know i will kill myself sometime down the road because no one, not even my psychiatrist, understands and believes me. I got a 3.7 at my college last semester, and this semester, i have no will power to even do my homework. I will probably get a 2.5. I am a deranged being who just wants to stop the thoughts. I am not scared of death because i do not care if i go to hell. i am sick of these thougts. i am not scitzo, and no medicine or therapy works for me -- besides opiates. i plan to move to canada and just live off of the codeine that is otc. If not, i doubt ill live past 30. I am a complete fuck-up in the eyes of society. I want to get prescribed suboxone for my bipolar disorder, and hopefully my psychologist listens to me for once. I have already been hospitalized twice for ODs, and i know it will happen again without me using opiates in a proper fashion. I am not afraid of death; death is the only thing that seems peaceful so i look forward to leaving this earth.