Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Oriax [], Oct 11, 2008.

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  1. Oriax []

    Oriax [] New Member

    Hi, this is my 1st post on SF. Im 18 living in Pretoria South Africa.

    My Problem:

    I have been addicted to Painkillers, Opiates and raw opium Resin for 2 straight years now. I dont enjoy my high's anymore, i do what ever the fuck i can everyday to simply "Cope". If i dont take something then i feel like utter filth and shit and constantly think about my next dose.

    Well... last night my dad had found out about my addiction. (I live with him alone in my house doing my last year of school). And now he knows I have been taking his Painkillers secretly and blasting all my cash on drugs - He kicked me out of the house last Night and i had to phone a friend to come pick me up.

    I have stolen from ANYBODY for the past year to satisfy my addiction, but have always been subtle about it and no 1 has ever noticed.

    And just my Fucking luck, I get caught by my Best Friends Mom the morning after getting kicked out of my house. I am now at annother friends house.
    (.......The Shame I felt by getting caught by her wasso strong i wanted to murder her or somebody, it will always stay with me for ever in my life.......)

    I am in a huge fucking dilema and just dont know what to do, the world hates me and my honour is all lost. . . I have no where to go, no drugs, no money, no friends and so damn alone is Suicidal.

    So that is my crises, my life has collapsed in a matter of 48 hours and its all to blame on the *Doomed-Magical world of Opiates*. Support in my real life is just totally non fucking existent at the moment and <mod edit methods> :(
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 12, 2008
  2. Oak

    Oak Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    There are organizations that help suicidals and drug addicts in pretoria. contact them and see to get out of the circle of drug and as you honor loss, you have deceived people who love you and exactly because they are hurting by the discovery did the react strongly but you can regain their trust and your honor if you can prove them that you truely want to get out of it all and live a sane lifestyle. parents' love is unconditional, he will come around but you must take the proper steps to prove to yourself first and them secondly that you really mean it when you will contact and start recuperating they will believe you too and come around.
    best of luck to you oriax and stay safe

    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 12, 2008
  3. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni

    Hang in there :hug:
  4. jhayes0027

    jhayes0027 Well-Known Member

    First of all, just because you don't think people notice you are stealing, doesn't mean they don't. I use to think I was hiding everything so well, then one day it all came out and hit me in the face.

    If I were you I"d probably tell my dad or a friend or teacher that could help me get into a rehab program. It might help you out in the longrun and help take your mind off anything stressful that leads you to addiction as well. Trust can be easy to lose and hard to gain back, but you can do it. Just work on yourself and don't be afraid to ask for help.
  5. Oriax []

    Oriax [] New Member

    Jhayes and Belcor - Tahnk you.

    You have said sensable words as if you yourself has gone through a stage of addiction and know what to say to a Addict and what u have said is very supportive to me.

    I know that I have hurt people, and of course it is very remorsefull!
    I have been to a Drug Semitar before: Narcotics Annonomous, but arnt supportfull at all and dont give u the support u need to get through it.

    I think my only sellution right now is to explain to my dad whats going on in my life and that im terribly deprressed about my actions. It is gonna take alot of courage to talk to someone who hates junkies.. but, its not like I have any other choice in the matter. :(

    I also think i should go to rehab, as I see now that i cannot live they way I used to for years. It is gna be horridly hard and painfull to get off opiates!!!
    Also i must change my friends group and not be tempted again and change my living environment and setting away from home.

    Thanks guys, finnaly someone has said the correct way out of it for me, as not 1 living person in my real life knows what im going through. I will try my best to reconcile with all the people I have hurt in my drug days.

    On drugs - Chasing the Dragon.
    Off Drugs - Running from the Dragon.
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