Orphan Corps...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Nothingreal, Oct 27, 2013.

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  1. Nothingreal

    Nothingreal Member

    I am a self proclaimed orphan... because though my family says they love me, they don't. Do you ever just know when people are saying things and not really putting meaning to them?

    The only thing my father says to me is "do the dishes." and my mother is always talking about how no one does anything under her breath...

    but why would anyone on the internet care? I'm just some 18 year old girl with a good life and no reason to be suicidal...

    From the outside my life looks great... but I feel so fucking alone... I have two friends... a gay guy who has told me he doesn't understand why someone would kill themselves... then he called them fuck ups... he called me a fuck up without even knowing it... my other friend is too far up her boyfriends ass to even begin to think about caring... I'm alone.

    cutting stopped helping... the pain doesn't get rid of the mental/emotional pain that I shouldn't have...

    I have nothing to live for... no one to love... I'm unloved... just a dishwasher... and something to complain about... someone to add numbers to friends lists...

    I'm an empty aching body... with a shattered heart and throbbing/bleeding soul... I'm a corps... I died so long ago... whats left is a projection of life... a body without a person inside...
  2. the black raven

    the black raven Well-Known Member

    Do we need a reason to feel this way? No matter how good your life is, it does not mean you are happy. Even rich and people who looks successful in life have depression. If you ask me why I care, it is because I know how it feels to be like you, being depressed and in so much pain. I know how you feel and I care probably because I don't anyone to feel like I feel. No one deserve this. Not even me, or you. But that is life :( I think only people who ever felt this way is the only people who understand. I have a best friend, even though she got hurt, she won't understand. because she doesn't have depression. She can't see it why we feel suicidal. Only those who felt it is the one who can understand. I really do care about you. We just know each other now, through a text, but I can feel you. I'm sorry :(

  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You can get feeling better you are 18 an adult you can go to doc and get some treatment plans in place to help the depression go away. No one knows what future holds noone hun just have to keep reaching out for the support that is there to help you heal
  4. Nothingreal

    Nothingreal Member

    I don't have money to see doctors... I want help... I just don't have a way of getting any. There is no money.
  5. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Every county in New York State has mental health services available free or sliding scale based on income. Call your county mental health services to get information on it. The services will be run by the county in different places. If you cannot find where simply call 211 and tell the county and that you are looking for mental health services.
  6. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    You say that you are just a dish washer? What is it that you would like to be? Why not work toward the goals in life that take you beyond that? How can you be happy if you have not created for yourself goals and dreams? As everyone else is saying too, go get some professional help. I guarantee you that in the State of New York, there are a lot of available services and all on sliding scales for payment (including no fee). You have to take the step, you have to make the move, and you have to reach for something beyond the dishes.
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