Other People's Feelings

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Freya, Sep 15, 2014.

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  1. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    I know for myself that when the people I love are sad or, worse, feel hopeless and go to 'that place', it takes me with them. When the people I love are happy - I am happy. I feel good when they feel good. When they feel shitty it feels like the world is collapsing and the inability to do anything to ameliorate that for them makes me feel worthless.

    There is a theme here that people react wrongly - when we feel depressed, hopeless, suicidal even - there are threads here dedicated to people saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing - and, often, complaints about friends, relatives and other loved ones getting angry or frustrated or upset themselves. The last thing you need when you feel suicidal is the people you are relying on for support to become emotional themselves - right?

    Only - I do not know if we really take account of how our moods affect the people around us. I try not to write here very much anymore because there are people here who are very important to me. I know how I feel when someone I love is miserable - it makes me crash - for want of a less annoying term, it triggers me. It stands to reason, then, that it is possible that my moods take them the same way.

    Assuming the basic tenant that if you love someone, their happiness is one of the most important things in the world, it stands to reason that their depression, sadness, suicidal ideation could easily be a completely catastrophic trigger - even if there is no "reason" to feel that way.

    There are many many threads here on how we wish people reacted differently, said different things, didn't get angry, didn't make it about them... today I am thinking a lot about the effect other people's feelings have on me. When someone I love is sad I crash - completely. It makes sense to me that if I am sad it is possible that I am having that effect on someone else.

    I have no idea where I am going with this - it just seemed like something that bears thinking about. Unhappiness literally breeds unhappiness. It becomes a vicious circle.

    If anyone has any clue how to break that circle, I am all ears, because today I am stuck right in the middle of it and the circle is fast becoming a downward spiral.
  2. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    maybe why we end up seeing trained professionals. because they do not get affected by these moods?
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    I tend to protect nearest and dearest from what's going on in my head.
    The only one I ever felt completely free to "let it all out" with was my psychotherapist.
  4. GreyIceWater

    GreyIceWater Member

    That's the whole basis for continued existence in my mind. I lean wholeheartedly on what connects me to those I love, those emotional bonds. Build them up, nurture them, and don't do anything to destroy or erode them. That love you have for them, not to hurt them with your moods, is a reflection of love for your self as well. All we have are people, treat them right. I agree with the two above me as well -- seeing a therapist helps keep shit off of your friends and family.
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