Other ways of self injury

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Ruby, Jun 19, 2007.

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  1. Ruby

    Ruby Well-Known Member

    Ah, I miss cutting so much. I only stopped for my family and it's getting harder and harder each day. I feel sick because I want to cut so badly. I want to feel my knife slicing my skin. I've started smoking and taking every pill I can get (painkillers mainly, phenobarbital whenever possible). I might burn myself tomorrow or smash my hands against a wall. It's cleaner than cutting, isn't it? When I next have the house to myself, I'm going to get a selection of sharp objects and just cut. I can't cope without it, it's too difficult. My heart is bleeding because I miss it so much. Every night I prick my finger with a needle from my diabetic machine and rub all the blood on my face. Jon tells me that it's cleansing my soul of all badness and depression. Ah, I miss cutting more than anything. This is so hard. So difficult. I think i'm dying.
     
  2. altek001

    altek001 Well-Known Member

    you aren't dying....it just absolutely feels like it. (or, alternately, 'you're not dying, you just can't think of anything good to do.' O Ferris...)

    anyways. i know how awful it feels and how much better cutting does...but that's just mental. (then again, we are mental.)

    though i don't know how long you've quit (so i don't know how big an accomplishment this will be to you,) i've been clean for just over six months now (woo~ :dance:) and though i don't think it sometimes, i'm stronger than i was before i stopped. i've learned how to deal with situations differently...how to take care of my urges...and that (at least some of) the things that used to make me cut aren't worth hurting myself over...there's a lot that we, as people, try to control when we, just people, can't.

    i hope you're keeping your non-cut-and-whatever-else streak alive and can count by the months (and hopefully years) like i can and hope to.

    stay safe. take care. :hug:
    .henry
     
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