i promess to my boyfriend once that i would never hurt myself at his home, and i broke that promess tonight. i´ve just reopened my wounds while he was outside, and made a little newones,. it wasn´enough, i need to do a big one,. i did what i never think i would do, i told him i didn´t want to be with him anymore, because he is taking away the only i want, the only i care about. and i really want to stop recieving help from him, i just want to stay in my room alone and bleed , i don´t want to stop. is it him the price i must pay for it? i will pay then, but he doesn´t want to leave me, and now i´m about to blow up. i´ve tryed to do the elastic band technic tonight and the only i get was an irritated arm and pain, it didn´t work for me, like anything, i´m tired of cope, i´m tired of even want to stop`, i want to do it, i want to do a mess with my blood, i don´t want to write or listen music or do anything to stop doing it,i don´t want to stay here anymore because it helps me. i wanna be banned. i want to fade away. i want to stop smiling. all i want is hurt myself badlyand nothing else matters.. and the only person who helps me every night here wants to go away because he says that he can´t help no one.