out of bounds(trigger)

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by jane doe, Dec 24, 2006.

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  1. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    i promess to my boyfriend once that i would never hurt myself at his home, and i broke that promess tonight. i´ve just reopened my wounds while he was outside, and made a little newones,. it wasn´enough, i need to do a big one,. i did what i never think i would do, i told him i didn´t want to be with him anymore, because he is taking away the only i want, the only i care about. and i really want to stop recieving help from him, i just want to stay in my room alone and bleed , i don´t want to stop. is it him the price i must pay for it? i will pay then, but he doesn´t want to leave me, and now i´m about to blow up. i´ve tryed to do the elastic band technic tonight and the only i get was an irritated arm and pain, it didn´t work for me, like anything, i´m tired of cope, i´m tired of even want to stop`, i want to do it, i want to do a mess with my blood, i don´t want to write or listen music or do anything to stop doing it,i don´t want to stay here anymore because it helps me. i wanna be banned. i want to fade away. i want to stop smiling. all i want is hurt myself badlyand nothing else matters..
    and the only person who helps me every night here wants to go away because he says that he can´t help no one.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 24, 2006
  2. altek001

    altek001 Well-Known Member

    ..i can't begin to imagine what you've just done...

    the person that put our relationship on the line due to my cutting did absolutely none of what she promised she would...(not talk to me ever again because of it)

    ...all i can say is that i don't feel the need to injure myself as much as you do..and...i'm sorry that it's costing you him..and him, you.

    ...reading things like this is so quieting for me...it makes me feel like my problems are so small...which i guess they are...

    - Henry
  3. Fatman1966

    Fatman1966 Antiquitie's Friend

    You have to stop and ask yourself what is it like for him ?

    Can you picture in your mind what its like to watch someone you love slowly fade away, the fact he wants to stay with you and help you, should in some way give you hope, you are not the person you think you are, if you were he would have been long gone by now.

    Some years ago my step mum died of cancer, she slowly faded away, and to my shame I wasn't able to be there like I should have been, I couldn't watch her fade away, so I didn't go to see her as often as I should, I didn't go out with her and my dad a lot like I used to, something I deeply regret now, she said to me once "don't you care", but I didn't have the strength to tell her, the reason I stayed away was because it was easyer for me, because I cared too much but just couldn't cope with showing it, so I chose to run away from my feelings, to hide them, bottle them up, that was wrong of me and I never really got the chance to show her how much I loved her, that shame will never leave me.

    I don't pretend to know much of any thing about self harm, but the little glimmer of knowing I have I gained from the good people on here, we all feel the way you do now at some time in our lives, but I am sure that you are not the person you think you are, your not that bad, your not that mad, your not that person, you have some one that cares, why not try and explore the reasons you feel the need, the complusion to do this, together.

    You already know the answers to what causes your pain, what you choose to do it, is really up to you, no one can ever take that away from you, the choice is and always will be yours, but it is a choice, your choice, remember that.
  4. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    thaks to both of you.:)
  5. blackfire

    blackfire Well-Known Member

    i am sorry you feel so horrible jane. i don't know what else to say.
  6. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    it doesn´t matter, i´m glad you are here when i need someone
  7. jjustme

    jjustme Guest

    How are you doing now Jane? Do you feel better? I hope so:hug:
  8. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    now i´m better,but is daytime. i feel bad at nights, but thank you for asking. and you? how do you feel?
  9. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Nights are generally the most difficult time for me as well. I hope that you continue to do better and that the coming nights will not be as difficult for you. We are here to help you through the nights f you need someone to talk with as a distraction. Take care hun. Rooting for you. :hug:
  10. jjustme

    jjustme Guest

    yeah that's true.. nights sucks when you can't sleep... Most time I'm lying hours and wait till I fall asleep..
    Thanks, I'm fine:smile: I haven't cut since the new year (eh okay it started a couple of hours ago:dry: ) But I'm trying to be proud of myself and thinking about: yes you can do it, come on, you can do it without that.... so today is not the worst day ever:smile:
  11. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

  12. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    i wish i could hug you both. you are so sweet. thank you
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