Out of Change

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by croatoan, Aug 11, 2009.

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  1. croatoan

    croatoan Member

    Hello everyone,

    croatoan here. The title of this post hints at the way I sometimes imagine that life works. The parking meter of my life has run down to 0, and I have no change in my pockets. While I'm gone, they'll probably take my car, and I'll have to ctb.

    There are days I could be tempted to believe that I was the "test track" for new tests for the "faithful". Being disabled is bad enough, possibly loosing my condo soon due to medical expenses just makes the imaginary cake I'm building here chocolate. And I guess that wasn't enough, cause 5 weeks ago yesterday my animal companion of 15 years had to be allowed to pass. That would be the alternating vanilla layers of the cake of my life. I guess more of this is about being alone than I realized. Intractable chronic pain that I can't afford to treat anymore would be the icing on that cake. Suspected heart problems a doctor mentioned that I can't afford to have diagnosed would be the sprinkles on the icing.

    Yes, I've tried the MSW/case-manager router. I remain amazed what an MSW, Social Security employee, State employe, or representative of national organizations in my city have said to me in person & on the phone. I made a suggestion to Social Security about their problems dealing with the disabled (I'm too much work, it turns out) that got me ejected from the office, and will not be repeated here. Suffice to say that if someone tells me to access the SafetyNet©, I think I'd just break down & laugh so hard I'd soil myself.

    I don't know at this point if anyone will offer me "change", to harken back to the start of my post. I'm out of answers right now, which is probably why I was Googling the forbidden word, and found you all in the first place. Part of my brain just isn't ready to throw that towel in yet. At least I have a few months before winter or the bank can act.

    fondly,

    croatoan
     
  2. sweetpea0

    sweetpea0 Well-Known Member

    Sorry you are having so many problems. I am also sorry about pet. I'm not sure what to say but I know you will have a lot of friends here and maybe someone that can help.
     
  3. croatoan

    croatoan Member

    Thank you, Sweetpea0. Part of the problem for me is feeling so alien, so separate from the larger world. Your welcome & words of hope were wonderful to wake up to. Now that I'm "taking it" an hour at a time, I've begun to notice positive things I never would have seen before.

    Again, my thanks, and I hope that your prediction is prescient in nature.

    fondly,

    croatoan
     
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