The last friend is gone. Was "just" an online friend (and no.. it wasn't more than a friend if you know what I mean, but he was my best friend). He said he'd stick around, he said he'd not desert me like all the rest have, he promised. LIAR LIAR LIAR. I wish I'd never met him. I wish I'd never trusted that scumbag. I wish I'd never let my guard down. And now in amongst all the gut wrenching turmoil, I have to deal with this as well. He couldn't have picked a worse time to turn his back on me. What are these feelings raving my soul? It builds and builds. The depth of feeling is unbearable. Does anyone else get like this or is it just me? I can't take it. I need the hurting to stop. I feel like I'm holding my breath, my hands are sweating, my brain feels like it's going to explode. I am very, very out of control right now. And I spend every day in control. I can't take this, I don't know what to do. If I call anywhere from mental health.. nothing happens unless it's really bad, and then they give me a valium "to get a good night's sleep". I can't even get myself a trip to happy halls. And even if I did.. I wouldn't be able to stand the loss of freedom and the safety of shutting myself away from the world. What do I do? Where do I turn? It's all gone now. Things are so wrecked. I think I'm having a breakdown.