I feel as though I have no happiness. I have all people would want but I feel as though I am nothing. I am rotting away in this life of pain and torture. every breath I take seems like a gasp for the next one. Im afraid of death but want to die. I am always sick,, my body is full of pain and its hard to get up any day. my heart is always beating funny. I already fell like the walking dead. My thoughts are horrible and nasty. I feel like leaving town and just running away from my wife and children and family. I am not much of a man. visions of killing others comes in my head. It is so real and disturbing. Im tired yet full of rage that cant wait to be unleashed on something, someone, or myself. my own blood is being emptied from my body by me. I drink my own. I want to be alone. Why cant I be alone to rot. I feel like the bad guy who never seems to get beat in the movies. I want to be good, I just try and its hard. Its what I want. I just want to be there for my beautiful wife, and wonderful children. I am lost and confused. My head is so cloudy and life is so heavy. the responsibility is so much. I want to quit my job, leave the country. I want to destroy concrete with my bare fist till I die!!!!!!!!!!!