I’ve been dealing with mental illness since I was a teenager, I’m 54 now. My entire life has sucked but there have been a few good things. I was married for 18 years and have a 20 year old son. After Robin Williams suicide more people openly spoke about their mental illness. And I’ve read about a lot of people getting support from family and friends but not me. I had three good friends that I’ve know for 45 years, 30 years, and 25 years. I opened up to these friends and now have lost them all and they want nothing to do with me. My son has chosen to be estranged from me and my brother and sister just don’t care about anything but themselves and their lives. I am ostracized because of my bipolar, depression, anxiety, ocd, and borderline personality disorder. I am amazed and confused that people still can’t accept the fact that mental illness is a real disease. I’ve heard all the usual things like snap out of it, i’m using it as crutch, it’s all in your head, no shit it is in my head. I’ve been on all kinds of medications and I still am. I live in a small condo for 2 years now, and I’ve only had 2 of my ex friends come by and not one has since September. I don’t have any friends or family now. I live alone and just in misery every day, all day. I have a very hard time doing anything, I can’t eat much, I have a very difficult time going to the store as my old agoraphobia has come back. I am on permanent disability for mental illness and don’t make much, I also have celiac disease and it costs much more to eat. I can go on and on with my issues but don’t want this to be too long. I was self medicating with alcohol and when I had a bunch of drinks I felt ok enough to eat. I haven't had a drink in several months but if I don’t drink I wont eat much, I know I’ve lost 20 pounds and I’m ready to drink so I can eat and numb my mind. I don’t talk to anyone all day long. I always read that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. But my problems are not temporary. I think about suicide everyday. I don’t want to die but I don’t want to live like this anymore. It seems I am running out of options though. And depression and anxiety are horrible as I’m sure many of you know but ocd is literally making me crazy. Just needed to share with someone.