out of options

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ragermoon, Jul 19, 2016.

  1. ragermoon

    ragermoon Active Member

    I'm new here and don't know anyone so I don't know who I'm talking to but this has been a hard week and I need to write it down. I feel like giving up. There are so many things bothering me in my life and my head it would take years to come to peace with even a fraction of it, if that's even possible. I just don't know I can do this much longer. I started feeling bad when I was 13 and it's been seven years of downward spiral, getting worse and worse every year and after the past 2 I just can't fucking take it I want to go to the hospital or just go somewhere and clear my head and see if I can fix this before I finally call it quits. But it's so expensive and I have no money. I've tried therapy and meditation, doesnt work. and I hate pills and will do almost anything to avoid them. What else can I do, I have severe issues, I can't just think positive and be better, I need real help...
  2. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi and Welcome to SF. You are talking to anyone and everyone who wants to take the time to read this and then maybe offer you some help/support/ideas/opinions/suggestions. We are here to listen and support 24/7.

    I think theres obviously a number of things going on in your life and maybe we need to tackle them one at a time instead of trying to address them all at once. To do that, we need to know some more about you, your life and the issues you are dealing with. We might be able to help, we might not, we dont until we try.

    So is it possible for you to tell us in more detail about yourself? Or maybe give a example of something that is troubling you?
    brknsilence likes this.
  3. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Know we are here anytime. You are so important. Don't give up.

    There are some clinics that are free of charge, works on a sliding scale, etc. You may need to call around to find them. You can call a crisis hotline in your area and they can guide you to a place where you can see someone professional. They should have places.

    SinisterKid likes this.
  4. ragermoon

    ragermoon Active Member

    Thanks for your response.
    2 and a half years ago when I was 18 I moved in with my aunt and her husband. What was promised as a fresh start in life, turned into over two years of working for them 40+ hours a week for no pay or compensation, and being emotionally, mentally and financially manipulated in many different ways. My grandparents were in on this and they all turned me against and isolated me from my parents and siblings all of whom I did not see or speak to for a year. I finally told them I was unhappy and they kicked me out that day. I feel completely stabbed in the back, betrayed and just destroyed. I just find it very hard to trust the people in my life now.
    I've been dealing with depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation and self harm since I was sixteen and it has all gotten progressively worse since. I alternate between emptiness and deep pain and think about suicide every day. I don't feel positive emotions anymore even when I laugh or smile. And almost nobody knows because I'm too good at hiding it.
  5. ragermoon

    ragermoon Active Member

    I will try this. I didn't know there were free clinics, I really hope there is one in my area. Thank you for the suggestion.
    brknsilence likes this.