Out of the frying pan

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Repeat36, Mar 22, 2015.

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  1. Repeat36

    Repeat36 Member

    Here's the thing that screws with my head. Afterlife. What if there is actually an afterlife, and it's just as bad as the current life? What if I escape the pain of this life only to land somewhere worse? When I imagine death, it's liberation, a release from pain. But my family is Catholic, big believers in hell, and while I don't believe in that version of it, with devils and damnation and all that, what if there's just more of this? What if that is what hell is? I've been thinking about this for a while. I think I'm ready, I just need some encouragement. I'm worried about my family and not succeeding and lets be honest, succeeding. I lost someone important to suicide, someone so integral to me, it's like a part of me is gone. And now I don't know how to be me anymore. If there's even a me without him. It's like he was my sun, and then my sun went out. Imagine if the real sun when out. Maybe there'd still be life on Earth, but would you still want to live here? Do I still want to live here? I'm not one of those people who has spent a lot of time thinking about death, or imagining her own death, or dreaming of it, or wanting it. At least I didn't think I was. But so much stuff has happened in the last year of my life that I am questioning whether I even have a life, or if what I thought was my life is actually an illusion, or maybe a delusion. Because it doesn't seem like living to me. It seems like persevering, like that's the most I can hope for. I'm not that old, but I'm already so tired. Even getting out of bed each morning seems like an enormous chore. Life seems to be about endurance, not enjoyment, not fulfilment. I don't see the point. If someone told me I could go back and undo my birth, I think I might. I really do. Is that the same as wanting to die? And if so, what does that mean?
     
  2. itsME123

    itsME123 Member

    hi, my family is catholic also, and I think that is the very reason I am still here.
    my husband died about two years ago. I know it is not suicide ( nothing compares to that) but my husband died a very painful death from cancer. we had been together 15 years, and watching him wither away was very hard. I have been extremely depressed since. I know how it is hard to get out of bed. My body aches from pain and I know it is depression. I think the things that have saved me are my daughter ( because I cant leave her all alone in the world) and my art. I am not the best artist but you would be amazed how helpful it is to literally throw paint at something. can you try that for me. or even just go outside and scream or break a glass. it might help. if you want to talk, message me.
     
  3. Repeat36

    Repeat36 Member

    Hearing what others on this forum have been through helps me, most of it is worse than what I've been through but it makes me see that if they can get through it, so can I
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 23, 2015
  4. Repeat36

    Repeat36 Member

    I can relate to almost all of this except I don't have any kids. One of the people who looked after me most my life and was like a father to me passed away from cancer about two years ago and I'm still torn up from it. The person I lost to suicide was my boyfriend at the time, it was absolutely horrible and I can only imagine how much you went through. I love to draw but I'm not very good, I'll get out my art book and put some music on and get completely lost for hours. And for the time I'm drawing I can usually forget about everything else that's going on. I brought a book a few weeks ago called 'Wreck this journal' by Kerri Smith. Each page basically gives you instructions on different ways to wreck the book. It's actually very stress relieving and fun to do. It has been helping me a lot lately
     
  5. itsME123

    itsME123 Member

    I was just telling my boyfriend that...not that I want others to suffer because we all are there....but knowing that things aren't that bad for me...and now my problems feel small. I also like helping people with their problems because I might have been in that situation before. we can make it.. we are strong!! everything will be okay as long as we can talk it out.
     
  6. Repeat36

    Repeat36 Member

    That's exactly how I feel, this forum is helping me seek help in a way that I have been too scared to do in real life
     
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