^ song lyric btw I don't know where else to post this. I'm so scared. I've been depressed for years, but hadn't acted on the thoughts of self-harming until three weeks ago on the night I got raped. Even then, I only did it because my "friend" gave me a blade and was like "let it all out." This is the friend that planned the rape, that knew I wasn't in the right frame of mind for weeks and manipulated it. Now it's like a thought in the back of my mind, constantly taunting me. I can't leave the house without knowing my blade's in my wallet. The only thing stopping me today, right now? I left it at home because I've got my school ball in three weeks and my other ones haven't healed fully yet. I've stopped eating properly. In the last month I've gone from 56kg to 53kg. I can't fit any of my old jeans. I got my tongue pierced and consider taking it out now that it's healing, just to get it re-pierced so I won't be able to eat again for three whole days. I've got a youth mentor who I can talk to. She knows about the cuts, but not about the not eating. She knows about my guy problems, but judges me on them. I'm scared to tell her anything more because I don't know how she'll take it. My flatmate knows about the rape, the cuts, the not-eating, but I know I can't rely on him all the time. It's unfair of me. The only place I can let it all out is on my tumblr. I have over 95 followers. That's 95 people that have stood by me when I've cried, when I've not eaten, when I've been struggling to smile. Not even my friends know all the shit I'm dealing with. But 95 strangers do.