Outcast. Am I the only genuine article?

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by WHY ME????, Jun 8, 2008.

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  1. WHY ME????

    WHY ME???? Active Member

    Am I the only 20 year old who hardly leaves the house, watch tv, surf the internet the whole day. I was looking through some profiles and posts and quite frankly find it amazing that most of you manage to go to work, uni, have friends, have a good social life or at least have a life, have a boyfriend or a girl friend, at least had sex etc!!! The truth really is I envy most of you. I feel as though everybody else has a life doing things except me. I feel so depressed and lonely because of this.

    Most of you appear very normal to me. Ive never had a girlfriend, never been kissed, no job and have no social life at all. I feel like a total loser and whats worse is I get so jealous reading other threads when people mention about their past relationships and present relationships, how many people they have slept with, when they mention the words ' my friends', when they talk about their work and family. I dont know if this is making any sense but I suffer from a combination of unemployment/depression/loneliness/low self esteem

    I couldn't even attend university anymore because of depression so I had to defer and the company I was working for had to close operations so I was out of work and have been 90% housebound for nearly 3 weeks now . If there were to be a low budget film or documentary to be made about socialphobia or agoraphobia and it's extreme effects i'd be the ideal candidate to film it.

    Ive sunk to an all time low that I even browse through myspace and look at other peoples profiles. I looked at alot of ppls profiles and when I see how much fun they are having it reminds me of how shit my life really is. It reminds me of how lonely I am. Not everyone has myspace though only 300 million accounts out of a potential 6.5 billion out there alot are fake. But the majority are extroverts, I think I happened to be an introvert a really sick introvert. Im just a minority.

    Sorry for all this but boy am i pissed off, depressed, angry, lonely and jealous of even you people. It feels like I am the only one missing out on life!!!! I know people here must be feeling empty now or some stages in their life. But I feel so empty all the time, I dont think I have done anything with my life. Im turning 21 soon but if it continues like this for another 4 years I will probably end up killing myself. Right now I don't even have the balls to kill myself but I might not have any choice at all, it is the easy way out.

    I don't think anybody not even this forum is like me at all. I dont think anyone has missed out as much as I have missed out on life. I am different in the most f**cked up way imaginable. I really hate my life and with god damn good reasons
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 8, 2008
  2. ItThing

    ItThing Well-Known Member

    Do you have a therapist?
  3. WHY ME????

    WHY ME???? Active Member

    No I stopped seeing my councillor last year only attended twice. Im also off my meds right now.

    Atm i think I am having a panic attack. I feel like crying but have no one to cry to or turn to. I ask myself this question all the time. Why me why is it only me???

    Why is it that I am the only one who have no friends? Why am I the only one who have never been out in the last 3 weeks? Why am I the only one going through this? Why am I the only one who has never had a girl friend? Why am I the only one who is still a virgin at the age of 20. The threads below this they talk about their relationships and their sex life.

    If i told u I had sex I would be lying. Story of my life. Its 20 years wasted.
  4. WHY ME????

    WHY ME???? Active Member

    I feel like killing myself now but Im a woos, im such a pansy i cant do it. I dont know what 2 do. i hate my life. I am officially the most pathethic loser even in this forum.

    I feel like using the 5 grand i have left and buying it on sleeping pills to kill myself. That 5 grand means nothing to me. Money means nothing when you have no one.

    It sucks that I am the only one going through this mess. At least youse all have a great life surrounded with people. I happen to be the most loneliest fucking most pathethic piece of shit on this planet.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 8, 2008
  5. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    I'm 22 and largely in the same boat. This describes me as well:

    I too feel like everyone else is off experiencing life while I am unable to, which makes me feel alone.

    Welcome to the forum
  6. Anju

    Anju Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum

    I'm sorry you feel you've missed so much in life...but suicide really isn't the easy way out, please take a look round here talk to peple I'm sure someone here can relate to you.

    And you're not old yet, you still have the chance to get out there and live the life you want to.

    Take care :hug:
  7. WHY ME????

    WHY ME???? Active Member

    Right now guys I feel so dead inside. Youse guys probably have kids or will get married or have a family some day. Ill be right here being left behind.

    This really saddens me alot knowing that most ppl in their 20s are already getting married by the time they are 30 most would have kids already. As a 20 year old I think I am running out of time, or I just dont have enough time at all to have a life that I always dreamt and want. To have a life just like everybody else.

    I really wish I could be 13 again knowing now how much I have destroyed my youth. When I was young I really like the weekends. I thought it was ok to just stay indoors and not have friends. How wrong can I be. I am now suffering the consequences of loneliness. I now hate the weekends seeing that basically everyone is out there living their life to the max. I am no where near living my life to the full. Im not even living my life to the tenth.

    I am jealous of everyone. I always wanted to be somebody else and it kills me that its never gonna happen. I always wanted to live somebody elses life.

    Society makes me feel so pathethic so lonely. The world overwhelms me. I think everyone is better than me and I have no place in this world.

    This is kinda venting wat im feeling right now. I am so dead and empty inside.
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Here's a story you might like to hear...

    A woman aged 19, has been housebound for 4 years, never talks to anyone expect for her family. She stays in her room about 22 hours a day trying to get high from prescription medication, gambling and harming herself. From the age of 13 she totally destroyed her life and attempted suicide at age 14, now she has made her plan to leave this world this summer and will be at peace for ever.

    The end....

    That person is me..

    Why me??---You are not alone hun, unfortunately even in this day and age there is no help for people like us, except medication that doesnt work and therapists that are trained to agree with everything you say.. and at the end of the day they actually wonder why the suicide rates are so high???:rolleyes:
  9. beauutyy

    beauutyy Well-Known Member

    hey welcome.
    i am sorry about how you feel and such. i will say that having a significant other isnt peaches and cream. its work,just like anything else in life. and sex sometimes just complicates things and dont think that just because you have never done anything makes you a loser or something. it doesnt. & if you need a friend,i would be happy to listen and help in any way<333
  10. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am soory to hear you feel so alone and that no one could possibly suffer as much as you are. There is no competition in suffering.People experience different degrees of suffering and the affect is different on each of them. Our purpose here is to offer peer to peer support. I am glad you feel free to vent, but please do not insuate others have no pain. You can't know their level of pain anymore than they can know yours. Please do what you can to take care and stay safe. :hug:
  11. crying_wolf

    crying_wolf Active Member

    yea some people around here look normal kinda. I have a few friends, this week he came from US and we been to the beach and river it was fun but hes leaving today now for the rest of the summer i will be here in home browsing the net.

    im 23 years wasted, im getting older and older and still being a loser, i cant even drive and hate going out.
  12. Darken

    Darken Well-Known Member

    same here. I don't need to be accepted by people I just want to be able to be my best and I'm far from it.
  13. WHY ME????

    WHY ME???? Active Member

    Thank you all for the welcome, and my apologies for sounding a bit selfish. I felt so empty and so dead at the time, I still am feeling this way but am learning how to control my emotions now.
  14. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am glad you were able to vent and get out how you feel. Sometimes we need to do that, and you were honest about it. I am also glad you are learning how to control it a little and hope you can see from someone else's perspective. You do not suffer alone. You can gain support here. That can be very important. Please continue to post and ask for help if you need it. It is better than the alternative. :hug:
  15. Angel_Dawn

    Angel_Dawn Well-Known Member

    I don't remember posting this? Sounds like me, but I don't remember posting it :huh: I have no friends, no family, am very much alone, well that was until I found u guys at SF. I don't have a job, I don't socialize, I spend my days indoors, surfing the net, watching movies, etc. It's weird, I thought I was alone in that. Hmmmmm, do I have another personality that posted here perhaps? Anyways hun, you're not alone and there are people out there in the same situation and we're here for you. Hey I am on the net mostly all day, anytime u wanna chat just PM me.
  16. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    welcome to SF x
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