Over and over

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ~PinkElephants~, Mar 4, 2007.

  1. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    I keep listening to this song over and over again and I know it's triggering me in so many awful ways but i can't stop myself from listening because this song is so fitting for my life..it's fits exactly into whats going on.

    "Your parents say everything is your fault, but they don't know you like I know you, they don't know you at all. I'm so sick of when they say, it's just a phase, youll be okay, you're fine. but I know it's a lie"​

    That line guts me everytime, it's killing me, slowly and painfully. I feel like I'll never stop crying, I feel like cutting so deep, I feel like screaming until my voice gives out. I feel so angry and so invisible in this house. I feel so used up and ignored. I feel empty and the only reason I'm alive is because of Josh, because of his love, because he means the world to me. It's like I'm just a doormat here, ignored, walked over, walked on, used up, tossed aside like yesterdays garbage. I don't want to feel anymore unless I'm in his arms feeling him touch me..I'm dying inside and there's nothing he can physically do atm to stop this feeling and I hate that!!!
  2. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    :hug: :hug: Kell, please don't do anything to harm yourself. I know very damn well what it's like, the song does the same to me as to you, also that exact bit. But we have to stay strong and not give in.
    It's a beautiful song though. :hug:

    Please, think about the future, how you will meet up with him, how the touch of him then, will make up for everything.
    Love can conquer everything, Kelly, it really can.
  3. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    Hun i kno exactly what it feels like to live for someone. I did it for 2 years and now that im without him im stuggling to get up every day.
    U cant live ur life for someone else. He can certainly be there to help u through and to take away ur pain, but at the end of the day u have to live for u. Those people who treat u badly arent worth a moment of ur time. Ignore them, and focus on the people that show u how much they care. Use them to help u get through every day and to build ur confidence.

    I really hope u can get through this

    Please take care! xoxo
  4. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    i want josh to be here ...its not him...its my family. Josh is the one keeping me alive tbh
  5. ***LEA***

    ***LEA*** Guest

    I' m here for you if you need me kelly:smile:

    :hug: :flowers: :hug: :flowers:

    LEA x x x
  6. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    Where is josh at the moment? Is he able to come over and spend time with u sometime soon?
  7. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    hun josh is in new zealand im in the states :cry:
  8. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    :eek:hmy: I didnt kno that! Stoopid me!!!!
    Well is there a way u can just talk to him? I know sometimes even if i cant see my ex, we r both alot happier just to hear each others voices!
    Having said all that, u can get through on ur own aswell, have faith that u can do that!
  9. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    I'm here if you need me. Hang in there hun! :hug:
  10. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    BAH to fuckwit users!!! :mad:

    Gives Kells some :flowers:
  11. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    I want to be numb....numb forever..numb to the dull pain in my head and heart..i wan't to close my eyes and never have to open them again. I want to make it all go away..i want it to disappear..i want to disappear..i hate and hate and hate..i want to vanish..i dont want to be, I don't want to live i dont want to breathe...I want it all to go away....i want everything to dissapate....fuck it all...fuck it all...fuck it all...fuck it all...



    Fuck it all!
  12. Malcontent

    Malcontent Staff Alumni

    Kell :hug: :hug: :hug:
  13. ybt

    ybt Guest

    stop listening to the song, sit down in a chair, put a blanket over you and a cool compress on your head. not bitingly cold, just cool
  14. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    I can't stop shaking...tis like violent shaking..my whole upper body it won't calm down...i dont know what to do....
  15. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Get some sleep hun and we'll talk tommorrow :hug: :hug: :hug:
  16. ybt

    ybt Guest

    that's why i recommended what i did. because i know how obsession can kill a person inside violently; and likely you can't sleep because you're not tired

    so honestly, take time out to try what i said in my earlier post...
  17. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    It's not a matter of sleeping or of trying to calm myself down. I couldn't last night...I couldn't calm down because everything came flooding to me and I was triggered not by only the song but something far worse even if it was meant as a joke. I can take a joke as much as the next person but when that joke is damaging to ones character adn when it can send them into a downward spiral given the circumstances of their life there is no joke anymore...if that makes sense..

    Am I better? I can't honestly answer that...i can't, because even I don't truly know. i'm sorry for venting this, i'm sorry for thinking that it matters how i feel b/c i've truly seen that it doesn't matter......at all. :hug: to those who have tried to understand but there is no understanding me
  18. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Awww hun :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
  19. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member


    when you get a chance MSN me and I'll explain what happened last night...b/c honestly I haven't talked to anyone or told anyone about it..and it's probably not helping me :sad:
  20. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Ok hun let me put the beaks to bed