Over it all

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Stormhand, Nov 17, 2009.

  1. Stormhand

    Stormhand Well-Known Member

    Its been close to a year, I got back with my high school sweetheart, I really used to love her once, but when i saw her again after high school she had changed..
    Her own friend told me she has got shallow and introverted, the exact opposite of who she used to be.
    Things for a time seemed so good when we was starting to see each other again, getting to know each other.

    It was just the communication, it was very poor, I felt like I was doing the talking most the time, and that was a first, cause most the time I am the one doing the listening.

    It was hard for me when being with her at times, that's not saying I did not enjoy the company, but it was liek I was in bed with a stranger, which is why I had such a hard time with her in that department.

    But on our last date it got abit awkward, her 12 year old daughter was suposed to of been on a date that night so I met up with 2 others along with jan, well her daughter was there, and I only had the money for the 2 of us to eat on,,I mean that was it.. my last buck in the bank.
    ( I got trash talked on myspace for this)

    So the 2 of the had to eat on one plate, the daughter was pissed.
    jan did not even turn her head to look at me the whole time, to talk to me until she asked if I had enough money for her daughter, that was it for the entire date.

    but after that was all over and done, we went to circuit city, the girls went off on their own, and...talked....

    I was told some mean things was said about me, then jan had her friend come to me and tell me she did not want to be with me anymore...Then her friend told me her opinion of jan, which was that she is just looking for someone to mooch off of...basically.

    I always felt she did not have much of an interest to even get to know me, I am still abit pissed over that.

    BUT I am glad now that she is out of my life, the air don't feel as thick when I breath..and ugh her kid..12 years old and she already knew how to work men..I mean she was little chip off the old block from her mother..a 12 year old girl and she was dating, hanging up on the guy on purpose and manipulating him to get him to think it was his fault..every time!

    Its just after all of this, I have not dated anyone since, and as lying and conceited as it was, its just hard for me to trust anyone to be close to them like that..thats my fault I think..

    days after jan dumped e she had the nerve to tell me she is sorry on myspace.
    BUT she would never give me a reason why, she said I did nothgn wrong, which confused me even more, getting through that was so hard mostly cause it was not said to my face, in all things communication and honesty are the most important in any relationship, which she could not do.

    But its like I said, now it is just very hard for me to trust any woman that much again, I just am so tired of being belittled, betrayed, and underminded.
     
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Yeah it hurts to be "abused" by those we think love us. By those that we put so much trust in. And it may even happen again. But you atleast have the self worth to see it as it was and move on. Learning to trust again is going to take some time. Especially when you are hurt when it comes to love. But you sound like a fairly "grounded" person so I think the right person will come along, and you'll know they are guenuine. Keeping my fingers crossed for you.
     
  3. Stormhand

    Stormhand Well-Known Member

    The hard part is just being brave to open up.
    And with how little I get out is no help lol
     
  4. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Well you are doing a great job of opening up here. Keep at it. Maybe think of this as practice for when you do start getting out there more???
     
  5. Stormhand

    Stormhand Well-Known Member

    here its not alot of trouble, I have always been good about getting my thoughts down on paper.