Overbearing Mother In Laws

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Breathe, Feb 7, 2012.

  1. Breathe

    Breathe Well-Known Member

    Having a slight issue with my one day to be Mother in Law. God so much to say but where to start?
    I live under her roof while me and my fiancé are gathering up the last bits of money for last bits of furniture, odd bits and deposit. Should be no longer then 2 months top. We can comfortably put away about £600 a month with both of us working.

    My MIL was fine with me before i moved in and even after i moved in! But up till a few months ago she has become very obsessive of my Fiancé (Lee), and is becoming a stumbling block of our relationship. I shall give a list of a few issues:

    1. She states that Lee is saying stuff about me behind my back, only after i confronted him about it he stated she said i was saying stuff about him. She essentially was trying to pit us agaisnt each other. And after comparing lists it is clear it is her making lies up.

    2. She yells at us when we buy our own food and cook our own meals. Yes we live under her roof but we aim to live independently, we need to get used to shopping for our own meals. So we go for weekly shops and get stuff. She goes mental, saying we are wasting money, she buys food for us (which we have told her to stop, its nice but we dont need her too, we need to do this).

    3. She will tell Lee not to tell me about things happening at his work, the only excuse is "you know what she is like"?? Yes i get worried if his bosses have a go at him but thats natural.

    4. She blames me for his long hair, or not washing everyday or wearing clothes more then once. He is a grown man!! Yes we are engaged and we look after him but i am not going to mother him and nag him to change a shirt! He, i am sure, can decide when he wants to shower or get his hair cut.

    5. She nags me, into nagging him to get more hours. Telling me how he should get more hours at work, how i should remind him every time he comes back from home. No. I prefer to let him have half hour or so of relaxing, cup of tea & how was your day? We work enough to ensure a comfortable living when we get our own place so at the moment without bills and little rent we are swimming in spare money.

    6. When he comes back from work he MUST talk to her first. If he comes to our room to talk to me first and get changed she goes on a fit saying he doesnt love her and spends no time with her.

    7. She insists i spend time with her, to talk to her, to spend time with the family. Okay i can do that but not for long. I have social anxiety, I cant do large groups and i cant do phone calls. But she doesnt understand and calls me pathetic. She gets upset when i dont want to be involved in family gatherings or even come downstairs when the family comes over.

    8. Everytime we look at places to move in she panics and tells us not to move there its a bad area or something will happen which we will have to stay around for a little while.

    9. If we have a lovers fight, she must get involved and poke her nose in it. Usually causing more issues.

    10. She has told me constantly no one will love Lee as much as she does and he will always be her baby... its creepy..

    11. She comes into our room, goes through our stuff and is generally nosey. Okay i am not going to lie we have a few kinky items in our room, lol not in clear sight but hidden away which she has mentioned, she has no right to go through our stuff. And she will demand to know where we got the money to buy things... We both have full time jobs... Where do you think?

    12. We live in a 2x3m room! Both of us with all our stuff. Its a nightmare. She wants us to stay there longer, but we cant put any of our stuff in the garage or another room. Its difficult living in this situation.

    13. What ever i cook is not good enough, i cook bad meals or unhealthy. Me and Lee are in starvation mode from not eating enough due to work. Taking in as little as 1000cal. So we need all the fat and meals we can get! The starvation mode is my fault and i am to blame for her son's "condition" Surely a guy would not object to lots of meat, cheese and general food!

    13. Lee's younger brother is a selfish brat. I have already told him and the family i dont want him to come to our flat, he is not even to help us move. I dont want anything to do with him. He destroys our room, steals our stuff, he sold my ipod, he steals our money, we will put petrol in the family car and he will use it up and leave us with a car on empty, he eats our food, he leaves the house in a mess and says its my duty to clean it even if i have cleaned it in the morning and he messes it after, he has actually cancelled viewings on flats so we couldnt move out, saying we need to stay with his mother and look after her while he is at uni. MIL says i am unreasonable but after all that i dont want anything to do with him. She has already told the family despite what me and Lee have decided we cant push out the younger brother and she will just bring him round with her.

    I dont know what to do with her. We have tried to speak to her about these issues, about her trying to cause trouble between us. She just breaks down crying, asking why we are picking on her. We know why she is doing it, when we leave she will be alone, her husband left years ago when Lee was a small boy and Lee's youngest brother is going uni. She has no friends and doesnt go out anywhere apart from shopping with her mother. Its a sad life we have tried to help her with but she refuses. We have approached her with her issues with us, with me. She Either breaks down crying like usual, telling the family we are causing problems. Or her recent excuse is that i dont talk to her and she feels as if she doesnt know me. Granted when i first moved in we would have conversations every day but now it is tiresome. She just whines about work. How is she supposed to get to know me when she just talks about herself?? D:

    Surely she has no right to break us up, to hurt our happiness so she can have hers and have her son all to herself. She doesnt like Lee becomig independant, He was rather mother reliant when i first moved in but i come from a background where you look after yourself and provide for yourself so i am extremely independant and have taught him so.

    I am not a mother so i do not understand. But she must know Lee picked me and we have become very happy and greatly in love. I am to be his wife. We are to have a life together. Yes she is to be a part of it but she cannot and i will not let her have centre stage in our relationship and life...

    I may sound ungrateful for what she has done for me, I am not, I clean her house and pay her rent and trust me i thank her alot for letting me in her home. I may sound harsh agaisnt her but she is trying to spilt me from the man i love and building a life with. Without him i wont have anything. So she is essentially trying to destroy my life. Just want the chance to have a life with Lee. What should i do?
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    MOve out as soon as possibe set boundaries you and your husband sit down and go over those boundaries with mil You are adults and she will always see her son as her little boy as long as you are under her roof Time to move as soon as you can because it seems she can't back off and let you live your lives the way you choose
     
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I would listen to hear with only one ear...you will be out soon and make a committent with your SO that she is being provocative, and not to let her affect your relationship, as much as possible...and move...find a place and live your life...have her over for tea on Sunday, but set limits...if she cannot create a life for herself, she has no right to steal yours
     
  4. Aaron

    Aaron Well-Known Member

    Stick to your guns...you sound like your a strong willed person too, more than a match for your MIL.

    Btw, my MIL Mary is an angel and I love her loads.