overdose, didn't work out

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by coffee, Nov 24, 2009.

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  1. coffee

    coffee Well-Known Member

    This was long time ago. I was about 16 years old.
    I was under a lot of pressure from my parents. especially my mom...
    she just started to hate me... and I became angry and I've reacted very negativley on purpose. We were both like trying to push all the bottons for each other...

    so I've decided to give up.

    I took lots of pills but I threw up everything and stayed in the hospital for about 2 weeks...

    I can't remember how long I was sleeping after overdose...
    I don't really remember anything right after I went to the hospital...
    I do remember throwing up for days... everyone was quite concerned...

    then I've moved to a room and stayed there for another week.

    I've tried to forget about it. Now I am thinking back. it makes me really sad...
    to tell you the truth, it hurts and I am still here. That I survived...

    It wasn't my intention to born in this world... death is same thing.
    ................

    I know that each one of has our own time...

    The best thing is to die naturally... without any intensions...
    which means suicidal is not the way to end our lives... according to our society and people who would get hurt...
    but now I realized that I do idealize suicide... the only way out, the easiest way out.... makes me feel comfortable...

    I glad to find this site cuz I can openly talk about suicidal...
    cuz no one wants to hear that word...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 24, 2009
  2. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    I'd say I feel the same way. At times the idea that in the end I can just 'pull the plug' and move on so to speak can be comforting. But personally I don't think I'll die naturally...the highest possibility is suicide which is pretty obvious. But I wouldn't be surprised if I die of cancer or something. I'll be like when the doctor says I have cancer "Yep ok". I don't see myself getting treatment for that kind of stuff. I think I'd just let it eat at me. That or my family would get me treatment :dry:.
     
  3. Sparky55313

    Sparky55313 Well-Known Member

    This past year I had found I have damage to my heart from heart attacks. When I was told, the doc looked me in the eye and told me the news. Inside I felt it was my way out and was comforted with the idea. All these thoughts and he was still looking me in the eye like I was supposed to break down & cry or something like that. I'm still sittin here waiting for the big one!....lol.
     
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