I lost my boyfriend of 5 years around 8 weeks ago in a car crash. I'm at university 2 1/2 hrs away from my home town so for the past year didnt see him as much as i'd liked (considering before uni we spent 24/7 together). After his death i found out he'd been taking heroin since i left for uni. It totally broke my heart, i felt so angry, bitterly dissapointed but also very very sad for him. But it doesnt stop me loving him. See the thing is, i want to go with him. I cant bare the thought of ever moving on but considering im only 23 i dont want to be on my own for the rest of my life either. I hate the thought of hurting my friends and family, especially as my best friend lost her mother in November and is still grieving for her. I dont want my death to affect other peoples lives or even slow them down. I just want them to understand. <Mod edit: Methods> Im scared it will hurt or just be really slow and horrible. I am scared of death! Im not one of these people who has just had enough and doesnt care anymore. I am genuinely scared and feel so guilty for my loved ones. But life without my mike isnt life anymore, its pointless and i have so much to deal with, with all this heroin situation. My main question is about my method of suicide. Do u think i would be too out of it to know whats going on or do u think it would be slow and horrible? My second question is, do u think my death could stop my friend finishing her course at uni or end up with her hating me with having to deal with the death of her mum on top of this?