There's nothing to be scared of. Emergency personnel are there to help you...that's their job.
Do you live alone?
Is there anyone you can call?
I know you say you don't want help, but you do. You wouldn't be on this forum if you didn't want help. I don't believe you really want to die; you just want things to be better. Things can be better, but not if you are dead.
Please, give yourself another chance to find a way to make things better. You are worth it!