On feburary 13th 2007 i took an overdose. < Mod Edit Hazel: Methods > I already knew that overdose is hit or miss, some people end up dying 2 or 3 days later in alot of pain. at that time i was at a peak with my ocd, i was so delusional, i couldn't see any other option, i had missed work that day and my manager bullied me badly and i was terrified to faceing her again. and i knew my parents would be so angry at me losing my job. I came home and was crying and shaking and having a panic attack. I filled a bowl with all the pills and took handfuls with water, i think i took about 50 when i started to feel very sleepy. I felt very high and relaxed like i was on drugs, and then i fell asleep. I woke up a few hours later and threw up. and felt terrible. I got so scared i called my mum. she took me to hospital and i was throwing up some more. I got very confused and delerious, i felt really anxious and kept seeing demons around my bed. I am unsure if this was a glimsp of the afterlife, but i was still awake. I had to go on a 24 drip, and the doctor put the needle in the wrong part of my hand and it filled up with fluid the pain was terrible. During the night i felt the worst neausia i had ever felt before, because my liver was swelling up. the next day, my mum came to visit me and just talked about me getting back to work... i was sad it didn't work tbh. I think overall, calling my mum showed me maybe i was doing this for attention. But not to hurt anyone, i just didn't know what else to do. Humans by nature are afraid of death, i was afraid of living too though. and i still am. One thing i know though is i will never attempt a chemical suicide again.