so i lost my virginity one week ago, after twenty four years. 24 years of waiting and wandering when the fuck this was ever going to happen. and at some points even peacefully accepting that i would be alone forever, and die without ever being touched. after all that. it just happened. we were talking then kissing then sleeping then fucking. and i loved it. i loved the attention. i loved the rush of confidence. it was the most connected ive felt since greg. and i dont connect to people easily. go figure. we'd been talking for weeks. every couple of nights for hours. he said the second time we talked that he felt like he'd known me for years, that i was so warm, so comforting even across a city. and i thought... why do i feel the same?why does that make me suspicious?what kind of mindfuck is my brain preparing me for? so i was nervous having slept with someone who ive only known for three weeks. but i dove in, and embraced happiness, and figured. what could go wrong? after 24 years, it was beautiful for 24 hours. and now everything feels wrong weve talked once, for like twenty minutes, and he doesnt respond to texts unless i ask a direct question and even then not so much. but when i confronted him, he played dumb, and said he couldnt wait to see me and he loved it and is coming over on thursday night and he cant wait blah blahblah..... and i've honestly been very good about containg my inner stalker. but why wont he talk to me. to me sex means more intimacy, more sharing...or an ending you cant jus go in the other direction, you have to move forward or stop. am i wrong? should i just accept that i lost my virginity to a stranger who lies. try and block it out, erase his number and move on. i havent been suicidal in months, and this has left me spiraling out of control. numb and scarily self destrcutive. i'm defintily not calling him or texting him. if he doesnt contact me tomorrow, then i guess i'll know. you cant control other people. and i cant control myself. my life really is shit every time it starts. need to just keep myself out of it all. im gonna go live in the woods with the bears.