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Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Kiba, Jan 22, 2011.

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  1. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    ugh.. I just want to die now. I cant deal with this. I'm tired of constant panic and paranoia. I cant sleep because I'm afraid the other person will take over. (DID / Multiple Personality) I'm freaked out. Have no idea what the hell is going on. No one can help me. I'm not safe here. No one I can trust in person and therapy only makes me worse. I'm stuck here in this trap. Seems useless.

    Adding a post I posted a day ago so maybe help make sense to some.. Idk..


    I've tried.. I really have. I've tried to ask for help.

    I want to see someone about my PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) and possible DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder - Multiple Personality) But I cant! If I try to go see someone for it, I loose the program I'm in, and my insurance wont pay for a different service. And I don't have money to pay for one.

    I'm so paranoid. I feel like I can't even go for walks due to a threat I received and also this neighborhood. Since September here I have seen a shooting and 3 suicides!

    I'm paranoid over my food. I was sick this weekend and went into ER finding out I tested positive for amphetamines! And I don't use any street drugs.. I'm paranoid either someone else tried to poison me, or one of my personalities did. But I'm not sure and if its someone else that did I don't know what could be laced still! And I have no money really left for food.

    I barely make each month financially. I get ssi and food stamps. That leaves me $18 a week to play with from ssi and food money. Not much to live on. Ive tried to get a job. It just seems like no one is hiring. And like I'll never get a job.

    I also thought I knew this guy for 5 years. And I used to make online video games. He was an admin, and he is a jerk. I wont go into too much detail, but I feel like I can't even make any more games!

    I'm just becoming more and more trapped. I see no way out right now. And this seems to be a recurrent theme in my entire life.

    I have no friends except here. All of them end up dead or hating me for no reason.

    Last night only 1 part of me had hope and wanted to live.. Now I'm not even sure they want to after finding out I cant even see a specialist.

    The Hospital isn't an option. I doubt they would understand anyway. And they only trigger parts of the PTSD. Causing things to be worse. And I know this because right before Christmas I went in because I went into a flashback state. And ever since being there, all of this paranoia has become worse. And when I came back, things were stolen. What a nice thing to come back to!

    What is the point? No one can help me. No one understands. I'm paranoid my other parts of me may even hurt people! Or end up killing us anyway!

    I don't know what else to say. Seems no one in chat does either.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 22, 2011
  2. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    (Sorry for double post)

    Ive tried

    no one can make my paranoia go away or help me with it
    no one can help me figure out who the hell is taking me over
    no one can help me move or get out of here were nothing is safe
    ppl knock on my door at 3am asking for cigs almost every night

    no one can help me get rid of that guy who messed me up and caused it so I cant even program my game now
    no one can help me with my erratic sleep and eating schedules
    even my therapist cant do anything!
    and all of this starting going down hill right after I was in the hospital b4 Christmas!
    so therapy is making my life more hell, and I cant go back there.
    They told me I couldn't be there if I was going to act like a kid.. well I'm sorry but parts of me are children and they told me not to talk about memories because they cant do shit about PTSD and the only reason I was there was to keep me "safe" when me being there was only triggering my PTSD every second and would be better off at home and they didn't give a shit!
    The crisis lines cant do anything!
    all they tell me is, we cant go into that you have to with your therapist, or all we can do is send an ambulance!
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 22, 2011
  3. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    hey swift, i'm sorry things are so bad for you right now.
  4. ~Young-Violet~

    ~Young-Violet~ Banned Member

    Swift :hug: x
  5. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    Ok, I don't know what else to say anymore!!!

    My mind is going a million miles a second and I cant focus on any one thing!
    It's a billion things in my head at once!! And I can't control it!!

    HELP ME!!! :cry:

  6. Ravenwing

    Ravenwing Well-Known Member

    Swift, :hug: :hug: :hug: How are you now? Sending you lots of calming thoughts.
  7. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I don't know if there is anything I can do.

    the only thing I can think of would be to try meditation

    eyes open or closed


    focused on relaxed breathes into the abdomen

    trying to clear the mind
  8. Swift my dear friend, I think it would be better for you to move yourself away from that place you are living right now.. There are other computer companies looking for staffs and you can try them.. Like what you have told me in instant message (in the chat room) the other day, you have to get a job, earn that money and move out.. Whatever job it is, go find a job, earn that $$ and move, move, move..

    Take care and all the best to you.. Feel free to PM me or instant message me if you ever see me in chat room.. I am always here for you..
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