ugh.. I just want to die now. I cant deal with this. I'm tired of constant panic and paranoia. I cant sleep because I'm afraid the other person will take over. (DID / Multiple Personality) I'm freaked out. Have no idea what the hell is going on. No one can help me. I'm not safe here. No one I can trust in person and therapy only makes me worse. I'm stuck here in this trap. Seems useless. Adding a post I posted a day ago so maybe help make sense to some.. Idk.. Quote: I've tried.. I really have. I've tried to ask for help. I want to see someone about my PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) and possible DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder - Multiple Personality) But I cant! If I try to go see someone for it, I loose the program I'm in, and my insurance wont pay for a different service. And I don't have money to pay for one. I'm so paranoid. I feel like I can't even go for walks due to a threat I received and also this neighborhood. Since September here I have seen a shooting and 3 suicides! I'm paranoid over my food. I was sick this weekend and went into ER finding out I tested positive for amphetamines! And I don't use any street drugs.. I'm paranoid either someone else tried to poison me, or one of my personalities did. But I'm not sure and if its someone else that did I don't know what could be laced still! And I have no money really left for food. I barely make each month financially. I get ssi and food stamps. That leaves me $18 a week to play with from ssi and food money. Not much to live on. Ive tried to get a job. It just seems like no one is hiring. And like I'll never get a job. I also thought I knew this guy for 5 years. And I used to make online video games. He was an admin, and he is a jerk. I wont go into too much detail, but I feel like I can't even make any more games! I'm just becoming more and more trapped. I see no way out right now. And this seems to be a recurrent theme in my entire life. I have no friends except here. All of them end up dead or hating me for no reason. Last night only 1 part of me had hope and wanted to live.. Now I'm not even sure they want to after finding out I cant even see a specialist. The Hospital isn't an option. I doubt they would understand anyway. And they only trigger parts of the PTSD. Causing things to be worse. And I know this because right before Christmas I went in because I went into a flashback state. And ever since being there, all of this paranoia has become worse. And when I came back, things were stolen. What a nice thing to come back to! What is the point? No one can help me. No one understands. I'm paranoid my other parts of me may even hurt people! Or end up killing us anyway! I don't know what else to say. Seems no one in chat does either.