Overload

[Archon]

I hoped never to come back here for this reason

Everything around me seems to be dying,commiting suicide and contemplating it. It's spiked me. I have the urge to kill myself, but i dont want to. I have things to look forward to, but i cant stand the moment, someone please help.

 

[letmedisappear]

I can't help but feel like we're on similar sinking ships. May I ask what's up at the moment?

 

[Archon]

I had a friend who killed himself recently, he was a great guy, the first conversation i ever had with him was about suicide funnily enough. He's dead now, i found out recently. Another one of my friends wants to kill herself because she's reached 16 and cant be bothered living any more. All around me i see movies about death, i hear references, it's all overloading. It makes me lust for death, i shouldnt want it, i for once have a stable life, and now, i have the urge to die.
[email protected] MSN
i really need someone to talk to, please

 

[letmedisappear]

Here, may I suggest going on the Chat Room provided here? I'll be on there, in the Triggering chat room.

 

[Archon]

I can't i'm on limited moderation, i cannot accses the caht room otherwise i'd be there right now, i need a one onn one.

 

[letmedisappear]

Well, I'm here right now.

Have you thought of the after effect if you ever go through with it? That always slows me down.

 

[Archon]

The last after effect, has damaged me nuerologically permanantlly, It's painful, i do not want to go through the same experiences of the last.

But as for the after effects of if i succeed, i cant care. I dont know why but i have never been able to care about how others would feel if i'm gone

 

[letmedisappear]

You wouldn't care how devastated your family would be, how awful your friends would feel? Would it bother you at all if, like your friend, your death was triggering another's suicide? Would there be anything you missed from this world, your life?

 

[Archon]

I would miss my girlfriend, i knwo she would become suicidal, we met in a mental hospital, but my friends death has got me thinking again. As for my family, i hate them, i want them to suffer, i have been trying to get away from them for ages. Besides that right now i couldnt care about anyone else's feelings

 

[letmedisappear]

So live, if only for your girlfriend. Live, if only to prove to your family or yourself that you CAN escape them. Prove to them that you are stronger, that you can make them suffer without hurting those you truly care about.

 

[Archon]

I want to live, i honestly do, it's soo hard right now, i have lethal weapons in my room, i need them for certain activities, but the urge to use them is soo strong.

I know i'm stronger then my family. I feel so down right now,i can barely type. I'm just so confused.

 

[letmedisappear]

Then you can do this Do you have anywhere to go this morning? Work, school, or something?

 

[Archon]

I live in australia, it's 10 pm i have school tomrow, i'm not looking forward to it.

 

[letmedisappear]

Ah...I'm in America, East Coast. I have have school in 20 minutes, and I am not looking forward to it either. Perhaps...well, your girlfriend must know you better, if you talk to her, perhaps she can cheer you up or at least help you struggle through the night?

 

[Archon]

I dont want to talk to her, cos i care about her feelings, i'm afraid she'll get depressed cos she has every other time i ahve talked to her about my own depression

 

[letmedisappear]

Ah. Do you have any other close friends that know about this?

 

[Archon]

I cant talk to the people i know about it, i dont know why, i think it's mainly because they dont understand.

 

[letmedisappear]

Hm, I understand. I know it sounds weird...but do you use some sort of medium to express yourself? Maybe writing, art, music...?

 

[Archon]

Ye sbut i cant disscuss it due to the nature of SF

 

[letmedisappear]

...If so, I assume it is not really "beneficial" to yourself, more like self harm?