overly attached to someone

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by justastrangegirl, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. justastrangegirl

    justastrangegirl Well-Known Member

    I cant stop feeling used by everybody, cant seem to move on from my past, from what my dads done to my mom and to our family, to being just sexually assaulted.. everytime i try to let people in my brain seems to fabricate every possible reason for them to use me.. i cant take this anymore, its affecting me now more than ever, since im about to move to another country to start my degree and i met someone i really like and care for.
    I asked him again yesterday to please be honest with me and to not treat me as if i were special if he did not mean it, and i think i annoyed him even more.. now im terrified of losing his friendship, cant cope with this fear and the anxiety of moving out to a completely different culture.
    I wish I could just relax and be a normal girl, instead of getting too attached to someone who might not even want the same things i do.. but i cant seem to set him free and hope for the best, instead i hold on too tightly and it only hurts me, because he is living his life and dealing with his own problems while i overthink about what might or might not happen..
  2. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi just - this person is special to you, and so you need to go about your relationship with him in ways that HE is going to appreciate, so he will want to meet your needs too, naturally, without feeling imposed upon or resentful, or trapped. This doesn't have to collapse into him thinking he can take advantage of you thinking that you will love him anyway for fear of losing him. I know, relationship dynamics are complicated.
    Might I suggest that up front honesty is vital here, at the outset, understanding that special relationships have a mutual need-meeting function where you both invest in the understanding that neither of you needs to look elsewhere for what you feel isn't being (reasonably) provided. Say that you want to make your relationship with him really super fantastic, and that you know this requires things from your side - but that you'd like for him to tell you what these are (his expectations) to avoid assumptions and misunderstandings. Communication is the king pin of all relationships, after all. After he has laid his cards on the table, then you can decide yea or nay and this will empower you not to feel swamped, and your brain won't have to imagine the worst any more :)

    p.s. He might think that this is too intense, so choose the right time and place!
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