I read alot of those real life magazines, they distract me from being suicidal, lately I cant help notice all the plastic surgery stories "It really hit me when I went into a store and found out I was a size 20" "I knew I was disgusting when I hit 18 st" & now I cant stop thinking about it. Im 20 years old, but Im a size 24 in clothes and I weight 19 - 20 st. I hate myself but I never leave the house so I cant get a job to save up for surgery. Even if I had the money I would be too sick and ashamed to show myself to a consultant to get surgery.. Do you think I should get a gastric band or plastic surgery ? I hate myself so much, its wrecking my relationships and my self confidence is so bad that Im house bound. Life cant get much worse. I feel sick everytime I catch a glimpse of any part of my body, even my hands because it reminds me of how disgusting I am. I cant live like this, please reply.