its been a very long time since i have had a profile on this site. recently, things have just been getting to much to handle. i've recently started the process of getting sober after unsuccessfully battling drug and alcohol addiction for a number of years. the thoughts about ending my life never ceased, i was just so messed up all the time it didnt matter if i lived or died. frequently, i wished i would simply die in my sleep. now im having to deal with problems from my ex-girlfriend, stress from work and today i got into 2 car accidents and found out that my insurance is being canceled due to some bullshit that wasnt even my fault. i am at my wits end. ive always told friends and family that i would rather end my life than drink or use again. unfortunately, its starting to look like sweet relief. i dont know what to freaking do. im glad this site is still here so i can have somewhere to dump all this crap out of my brain. my sponsor certainly doesnt want to hear it nor does anyone else.