Overwhelmed & Exhausted

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Bngssc4, Dec 15, 2015.

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  1. Bngssc4

    Bngssc4 Member

    I'm sorry I've been gone so long; I finally got out of the apartment I was sharing with my ex. I left earlier than planned because he was becoming violent with me. I'm now in TX, and I hate it here. I'm sure it'd be better if I weren't staying with my grandmother and my hypochondriac aunt, who always fight, become easily irritated or stressed out (if the store is out of a particular brand of tissues, it may as well be a case for the FBI to get involved with), and treat me like I'm 10. I sold my car before I moved down here (didn't want to drive it all the way down, especially with my cat), and I'm trapped. I want to go out and look for a new job and a car now that I'm here, but they haven't allowed me to drive either of their cars; keep in mind, I'm 26. I'm 26 and trapped like a kid who has been grounded. I don't live within walking distance to anything. I don't even have a bedroom, so I have zero privacy. If I'm in the bathroom for more than three minutes, they talk through the door at me (one of my biggest pet peeves). My aunt is very abrasive, loud, and an instigator. I feel bad for my grandmother, though, because she doesn't do anything to deserve getting yelled at by my aunt. We are all in this tiny, tiny house, and I feel suffocated.

    Now, I'm not trying to sound ungrateful. I'm thankful I was taken in on short notice given my situation back home and not having enough money to live on my own. But I am even more depressed here than when I was living with my ex. I haven't had an appetite because I'm so stressed out, but my aunt just scoffs and says, "HA! You think you're stressed now? Just wait until you get older!" I HATE when people dismiss my feelings like that. I was suicidal around Thanksgiving and decided to act on it, but I couldn't bear to leave my kitty alone without me to love her. If it weren't for my cat, I don't know what I would do. But this environment is very unhealthy. I can't stand being around people fighting and all the tension, and being treated like a child and trapped in the house. Everybody needs alone time, and I haven't had any in an entire week. I should add that they do not know about my suicidal feelings, so that's definitely not the reason they constantly talk to me through the bathroom door or refuse to leave me alone.

    Emotionally, I'm exhausted. I think I'm sad, I'm not really sure. There's definitely anger. I haven't been able to cry yet, which is weird for me. I'm back to that apathetic feeling, that surreal, "I'm in a dream right now," state. All these changes are too much.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there, that sounds very stressful, I am also 26, no job or boyfriend but there's still plenty of time. You should seek professional help for the suicidal thoughts and try and figure out a way you can get out of that environment, there has to be a way. What do you think your options are right now? I feel for you, no one deserves to be treated like that.
  3. Bngssc4

    Bngssc4 Member

    Options are very limited for me, that's why this is so difficult.

    Dating is the last thing on my mind right now, honestly.
  4. GZ10

    GZ10 New Member

    "I'm 26 and trapped like a kid who has been grounded."

    You took the words right out of my mouth with this one.

    I see the move didn't go so well, that sucks :(

    You're really making me want to get a cat now.
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