overwhelmed!.. rant

[Allie123]

I'm so overwhelmed with anxiety!! I want to quit my job, avoid my friends, run away, die... anything.

I hate that I'm having these urges, because I love my job and I love my friends and family. But things that should be trivial keep triggering my anxiety, and I don't know how much longer I can stand it. I feel physically sick and drained, and I'm throwing up at work regularly just to get through the day. It sucks because if I wasn't a 'crazyperson' everything would be wonderful. But my stupid stupid anxiety is making it so difficult to function, and I'm just so tired of dealing with it. AHH I want to scream and/or die.

 

[Gidget]

Alison... I hear ya. I am roughly in the same boat you are in, fast forward a number of years. I have secluded from family, friends, medical doctors. I have been home bound for over 10 years, with each year getting worse. When I had to drive my children to school, they would be late on occasion because I would be vomiting because I have to leave the house and deal with people. It shouldn't be this way, but it is. You being treated for it at all?

 

[Isabel]

Have you tried to reach out for professional help to learn coping strategies to manage anxiety? Or even yoga or meditation classes? You seem to have a lot going for you with your family and a job you like. Maybe with some extra support, this would bring some serenity into your life and make daily life manageable.

 

[Allie123]

Thanks.. I actually am getting help. I have a therapist I see weekly. And I'm supposed to be on meds, but I went off of them like a month ago when I ran out (anxiety has been keeping me from scheduling a new appointment with my psych).. so this is probably part of the problem.

My job is really cool - I've been working here for about 9 months now, and I've gotten comfortable giving presentations / talking to coworkers / talking to my boss, all of which seem like miracles to me! I do a lot of computer programming, and it's just really fun. But things are changing a lot, and I have to talk to all of these different people constantly for administrative reasons.. and I just want to run away from it all. I'm so stressed at work, that I'm not able to be productive and get done the things I used to (that I enjoy doing!!)

I keep trying to practice 'mindfulness' and 'staying in the moment' while I'm at work.. but honestly it makes it worse. Throwing up and staying as spaced out as possible are the only ways I know how to get through the day.

I've been in treatment for anxiety for so long now, and working to get to where I am now (going to work every day, talking to my coworkers, etc) was so difficult. I feel like I've been in treatment for too long for me to still freak out about these things, and it scares me that maybe I won't ever be able to face the world like a normal person. My urge is to give up and quit, and although I know that's not what I really want to do, I'm just so tired of fighting this.

 

[Isabel]

Hi Alison,

I think I know in what place you are because I sabotaged my career over the same issues of anxiety and dealing with people. I sincerely hope you'll find ways to cope. If you could find a mentor at your workplace, I think this could help you a lot. Somebody you could go to when the pressure get too high and you need to vent and get a broader perspective. You need also to find a balance and place taking care of your health and seeing friends, having relaxing hobbies as your top priorities. I would suggest having a look at a book called the Now Habit by Neil Fiore. Its like cognitive therapy but tailored for procrastination issues. Also, if you enjoy what you do now, I would resist the temptation of taking the promotions too soon. Often we see our career like pole vaulting, as soon as we get comfortable at the certain level, we are pushed to aim higher instead of enjoying working at a level where we are comfortable. hope this help.

 

[total eclipse]

Hi hun do yourself a favor okay get ahold of your pdoc and get back on those medication okay It will make your life so much easier to deal with hun hugs