Hi to all,
I am new to this forum, but I sought it out for many reasons. I am so drained that I can't possibly tell you my whole story right now, but I'll recap just some of the things that have brought me here.
To start with, my trusted counselor of 8 years has just left her job to move thousands of miles away, and I have to start with someone new at the end of the month. I last spoke to her on September 7, 2006, over the phone, on her last day- I was filled with tears. I will miss the comfort of her, maybe forever. I had one counselor before her from the end of 1996 to the beginning of 1998. I took some time off, then found Cathleen ( my counselor that has just left).
I can talk to anybody, but I loved her.
Some of the issues I had been discussing with her pertained mostly to loss;
'Just a heads up, I have no children, I am in a relationship of 17 years, and my animals are my life. I still have 2 dogs, 2 cats, 4 pet mice, and 2 wild, hand-raised mice.'
I have lost 11 pet mice, 3 pet cats, and my Paternal Grandmother ( the only one I knew) since May 2004. I thought I was grieving in a healthy way, but how can I be? Everything happened one on top of another.
I have also lost contact with alot of the people who were supposed to care about me, I guess they couldn't handle what was happening to me, but I was ALWAYS there for them, even if it was for something that I thought was trivial in the grand scheme of things. That makes me angry! Now that their lives are going in the direction they want them to, they have forgotten about me and my pain. I had spent countless hours, days, weeks etc. listening to and helping them, and when I needed them they were gone. Add to that, my anger at myself for allowing their actions to change me, and leave me angry. I never used to be. I was always forgiving, and can't find that now.
Now, compound that with the trials of daily life, and all that I have gone through, and all that I have come out of ( I'll talk more about that at another time), and I have ended up back "down in a hole".
I am just venting, as I woke up today with much sadness and despair, and it was either find this forum, or go the garage, start the car, take all of the pills in the house, and sleep forever.
Thanks for reading, I know it must not make much sense, but if you get to know me, you'll understand. I am talking to you the same way that I will have to start with a new counselor, only she'll have my file.
Peace, Love, and Prayers,
Michelle
I am new to this forum, but I sought it out for many reasons. I am so drained that I can't possibly tell you my whole story right now, but I'll recap just some of the things that have brought me here.
To start with, my trusted counselor of 8 years has just left her job to move thousands of miles away, and I have to start with someone new at the end of the month. I last spoke to her on September 7, 2006, over the phone, on her last day- I was filled with tears. I will miss the comfort of her, maybe forever. I had one counselor before her from the end of 1996 to the beginning of 1998. I took some time off, then found Cathleen ( my counselor that has just left).
I can talk to anybody, but I loved her.
Some of the issues I had been discussing with her pertained mostly to loss;
'Just a heads up, I have no children, I am in a relationship of 17 years, and my animals are my life. I still have 2 dogs, 2 cats, 4 pet mice, and 2 wild, hand-raised mice.'
I have lost 11 pet mice, 3 pet cats, and my Paternal Grandmother ( the only one I knew) since May 2004. I thought I was grieving in a healthy way, but how can I be? Everything happened one on top of another.
I have also lost contact with alot of the people who were supposed to care about me, I guess they couldn't handle what was happening to me, but I was ALWAYS there for them, even if it was for something that I thought was trivial in the grand scheme of things. That makes me angry! Now that their lives are going in the direction they want them to, they have forgotten about me and my pain. I had spent countless hours, days, weeks etc. listening to and helping them, and when I needed them they were gone. Add to that, my anger at myself for allowing their actions to change me, and leave me angry. I never used to be. I was always forgiving, and can't find that now.
Now, compound that with the trials of daily life, and all that I have gone through, and all that I have come out of ( I'll talk more about that at another time), and I have ended up back "down in a hole".
I am just venting, as I woke up today with much sadness and despair, and it was either find this forum, or go the garage, start the car, take all of the pills in the house, and sleep forever.
Thanks for reading, I know it must not make much sense, but if you get to know me, you'll understand. I am talking to you the same way that I will have to start with a new counselor, only she'll have my file.
Peace, Love, and Prayers,
Michelle