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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Amira, Nov 11, 2015.

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  1. Amira

    Amira New Member

    Am so overwhelmed. I have suicidal thoughts about 5-10 times a day. Any advice on good coping strategies would be helpful. I am in mental health services and currently have diagnosis of PTSD (did not serve in military).
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Amira and welcome to the forum,I too have PTSD (not in military either).

    The best coping strategies are talking about your issues, a problem shared is a problem halved, I've been through PTSD and still going through it and it hurts a lot but I calm my thoughts by meditation, there's so many good meditation clips on youtube, just lie down and go to sleep or rest or relax.
    Do you want to talk about why you are suicidal? You can talk here, no one will judge you here, I promise you that :)
    The people here are the most amazing people I have ever met. Another coping strategy of mine is painting and my friend on here uses adult colouring books (which I am going to buy tomorrow). Tell us more about yourself and the horrid situation you are in!

    2 people like this.
  3. brknsilence

    brknsilence "Keep Moving Forward"-Meet The Robinsons movie

    I was going to say the same about the adult coloring books. I'm probably going to print some from Doodle Art Gallery website, but hoping to get a book soon. Here if you want to talk. Stay strong
  4. Aeneas

    Aeneas Well-Known Member

    I was also diagnosed with PTSD.
    And it's possible to have suicidal thoughts and feelings in different ways.
    How would you describe it? (i.e. a smothering, cluttered feeling or a painful, loss-like feeling, etc.)

    What's going on in your world right now?
    2 people like this.
  5. Lottie di Loredani

    Lottie di Loredani New Member

    Hello Amira,

    I, too, was diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder a few years ago, though I also did not serve in the military. I am uncertain as to whether I still have PTSD, but my coping strategies for depression are various and wide-ranging, depending on my mood. When I am unable to converse with anyone, I may write in my journal. Other activities include reading a novel so that I may immerse myself in a world other than my own, refreshing walks in nature, exercise, and listening to comedians. Peculiarly, I have found listening to somber, melancholic music to mellow my spirits and help to overcome a slough of lugubriousness, when joyful tunes have not been able to do so. Based on a Youtube search, music marketed as peaceful and calming might be of some avail to you, as well, especially audio clips of nature's sounds. Let us know soon if you've found any successful coping strategies and anything more about your situation that you would like to relate.
    2 people like this.
  6. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. Set yourself a timetable in order to keep yourself active and stops you over thinking. Do not worry about people stares or what people think as you will be reading too much into things. Over thinking will cause you more anguish but try not to worry too much. When you are down, use the elastic vand method and pull it in order for the sting to help you to realise that LIFE IS IMPORTANT. Do not turn to drugs or drink as that causes more anguish. Don't be alone looking at four walls but surround yourself with people as it will help you to not to over think. It's hard in the early days but we can help you. You can contact me direct and I will help you.
  7. Amira

    Amira New Member

    There could be many causes for my PTSD but the most recent trauma was 6 years ago. I walked in on my sons father sexually abusing our under age baby sitter who was also sister. she lived with us on an off since she had been 11., so around 5 years. I grew to love her has my own child. After that, Child services would not let me see her. I have only seen her once since that night. Since then, I have gotten married and had another child, she is 16 months. Her father, my husband, is not a nice a person anymore maybe he never was. He is emotionally abusive to me and my son. Am a stay at home mom with no friends, so surround myself with people is not option and having a toddler and no help am not sure when to fit mediation in am worried if i tried that I would simply fall asleep. The solution most would say is leave the mean husband but my kids need food and shelter and i have no job. I do have a teaching degree but no license to teach didn't take the test because I was pregnant during student teacher with my daughter and simply to exhaust now i have no one to watch her so i can take the test. I just feel trapped like there is no way out. My suicidal thoughts are intrusive; i don't want to kill myself because my kids need me. My son is 12 years old and my daughter is so young plus I could leave with my husband. Plus my husband says if I leave he will take my daughter from me. having no job having been a stripper and having a mental illness i dont think it would be hard for him to make a case. I really have no luck with men (if you can call guys like that real men). I think what really set things off was when my brother was in the hosptial a few weeks ago. I wanted to go visit him but no kids where allowed on his ward. So, i asked my husband to watch or daughter so I could go ( I never go anywhere it was only like 4th time I asked him) and she was crying when i walked out the door. So, i stood in outside the front door to listen to see if she would stop. I heard a thud and went back my husband had punched the wall above her head while she was in high chair. He hit a stud broke his hand (which serves him right). But now am scared for my childerns safety, He claims he would never hurt that kids he hit wall because he couldnt figure how to undo straps. I dont trust him and i dont think I should.
  8. Aeneas

    Aeneas Well-Known Member

    Yeah he's probably got some anger issues. But I don't think any of us have really the insight necessary to say whether or not you should leave your husband or what sort of ground your relationship is on. Depending on your state, there are places that favor the mother's right to her children. I know Utah, Nevada and California are especially favorable regardless of the mother's medical or employment history.

    And depending also on where you live, there are services to help get you employed and housed; either through the government or non profit and religious organizations. You have options.

    And it seems to me from what you're saying that your depression is being triggered by your home situation.
    You know hour kids need you, and I can sense that you love them, so I don't think that you'd leave them alone with your husband or even risk them ending up in the foster care system.

    So, you need to find a solution to your problem with your husband through the options that are already out there, and there are plenty.

    I'd say get some legal consultation and see what an attorney thinks. Talk with a therapist and see what they think.
    And get online and see what programs you qualify for in case you need to make a financial transition.
  9. Amira

    Amira New Member

    The shelter in my county is by his work. I called them when I was pregnant with my daughter. He had an explosive episode pushed me and I fell then he smashed my phone. The Shelter would take me then but I would of had to quite school. I was student teaching at the time. Am qualified to be a substitute teacher and could be teacher if i take the state test and pass but if anyone found out what I use to do in my early 20's i would be fired, anyway. I should of thought of that when choosing my program of study but i love kids and wanted to work with them. The past can always come back to haunt someone. My husband hasn't done anything bad enough to get criminal charges filed, without a dv case there inst a whole lot of help in my state. divorce is expenses. I have been hiding money in separate bank account but I dont know where to go. I have no family to help, my mom is homeless so there is no going back home. My name is also the only one on the lease and manufactured home. So if I walk away my credit is ruined because everything is in my name. I have to find a solution. I do have a therapist but she isnt very and is judgmental. I had an abortion when i was 18 and it haunts me now that had a child again and she is not pro-choice and offers nothing. I know am the one that made the bad choices that got me in my situations but therapist are suppose to be helpful not judging. I cant take anti-depressant at the moment because my daughter is nursing. I just feel so trapped and worthless and stupid for getting a degree in a profession I can not work in and having a mountain of debt from perusing a degree. There is no way out of student loan debt. My step-dad use to beat my mom and remember being pushed to one shelter after another and never having a home and my mom not being able to find a job got enough to support 4 kids. I use to always tell myslef i wouldnt end up like her but here I am. At least five times the only solution my brain gives me to this problem suicide but thats not a solution at all
  10. Aeneas

    Aeneas Well-Known Member

    I would recommend seeing legal counsel. They may recommend a restraining order of some sort to assist you in the transition if you so legally opt for a separation, (Again, I'm in no position to, and am not offering you the advice to separate with your husband.) in which case, if the house is in your name, you would stay.

    But again, these are very extreme options. And I don't know exactly how necessary they are, and cannot assess that with your situation. So speak to a lawyer, and see if he might even just recommend couples counseling or some other form of couples treatment.
    And try to reframe your thoughts of your husband. Look at the evidence of things that he has done not what you think he would do. Because that is an uncertainty. And you'll only dig yourself holes by projecting what you assume the outcome will be for everything that you do. You can't read his mind or be inside of him. While you may have a good guess, be very very trepidatious in speculation. It's a game that's left a lot of hearts broken, and a lot of families in poor situations.

    And in the U.S. usually being a stripper doesn't disqualify you from being a teacher. Now, if you dress scandalously, and still strip, then yeah, that's not compliant with school board standards. But I'm pretty sure that it's discrimination if they won't hire you based on previous occupations. You can file suit against that and get a fair job interview if that's what you're worried about. (Again, I'm not a legal expert and I'm not telling you what to do. I'm just saying. Although this is probably another thing that you would want to bring up with your legal counsel and get their expert opinion.)

    Hopefully that helps. I don't know if you're religious, but I do recommend checking out the LDS church services. I really like the programs that they offer, and they do help families a lot. So talk to them, see what they can do. They have a website, and you can find local groups on there for your location.

    Let me know what's going on, and keep us updated with your situation.
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