Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by ~Claire, Jan 29, 2009.

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  1. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    I just finished my wishes for my funeral & my suicide note. It has totally overwhelmed me & I actually had tears in my eyes whilst doing it.

    I didn't think it would affect me like this. Is this normal?
  2. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    hi claire

    this tells me you are not ready to die
    i bet you were thinking of your family reading the note, being at your funneral.

    there are many choices to make and suicide is the last one.
    there is always another way, another path to tread.

    take a step back and look again and find another way

    take care
  3. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    I dunno Andy :sad:

    I guess I am just getting prepared.

    I was fine about the arrangements & writing to my fiance, parents, etc. The only thing that got me upset was writing to my nephew cause he is only 18 months old :cry:
  4. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    we all feel like we are sinking at times, i understand how you feel coz i have been there, but trust me, you don't want to go thru with this.
    it may not seem like it now but things will get better in time, if you really want it bad enough it will happen, but you have to be patient hun.

    step away from all this and give yourself time
  5. kenny

    kenny Well-Known Member

    Hi Claire

    I understand the pain you're going through. I wish that there was something I could say that might ease that pain.

    Of course writing those notes is going to be emotional, and I think it shows that there is a part of you wanting to make it back from the brink.
    You have a lot of people who care about you, I know that you probably don't believe that, but it's true. Please try to be strong. if there's anything at all I can do for you to help, please don't hesitate to ask. I would offer to accompany you to psych/doctor appointments to offer moral support and if need be a voice to say things that otherwise would be left unsaid, if it would help.

    I really hope you make it.

    my best, as ever
  6. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    I'm going to try & get an appt with my GP tomorrow. I seen my psychiatrist today but a monkey would have been more use to me. I also seen the duty pdoc at casualty last week as that's where my gp sent me.

    My notes & plan are just my back up in case they can't help me.

    Thanks for listening Andy.
  7. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    just remember you are not alone hun

    be strong
  8. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Thank you Kenny :hug:

    Given that we live not too far from each other I may hold you to that one day lol.

    I just have my ups & downs ever since I came off the meds 2 weeks ago.

    Thanks for being there :hug:
  9. kenny

    kenny Well-Known Member

    No problem Claire. try to hang in there. I know what the moodswings can be like. I've been low most of this afternoon after my psych. appointment, it didn't come as a surprise, but it still knocks me.

    As Andy says, you are not alone.
  10. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    You're a dark horse Kenny. You don't give much away about yourself, do you? Please remember we are here for you too, if you should ever need it :hug:
  11. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    I have the doctors at 3 today. Phoned @ 8 & the on call doc spoke to me. It was the same doc as last week the one who sent me to casualty.

    Now I need to see him at 3. Why couldn't it be anyone but him? I know he means well but he is just gonna send me back to casualty & he won't let me drive there either. He gave me my last sick line too, so he might be a bit reluctant to give me another one.

    I just wanna :hiding:
  12. crookxshanks

    crookxshanks Well-Known Member

    it could be a good thing that you're seeing the same doc as you wont have to explain everything to him all over again and he'll already know the situation from last week. good to hear that you found the courage to call the doctors though as i know how hard it can be

    stay strong and good luck for this afternoon x
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 30, 2009
  13. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Good luck Claire,be sure to let us know how it went :hug:
  14. daniel2

    daniel2 Banned Member

    I think it's absolutely normal. I don't agree that it's a sign you want to pull back from the brink though. More likely that you are just coming to terms with your mortality in making these preparations.

  15. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hi Claire,
    I am glad you called the doctor, it shows me that you are still trying. I can't say much because I am not in the right frame of mind. I just want you to know I care and you have my support. JUst remember as they always say...Baby steps... Always here for you!!!~Joseph~
  16. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    :no: :no: :no: :no: :no:

    I shouldn't have went to the GP, I feel worse than ever. The whole appt consisted of him shouting at me.

    This time tomorrow I'll be well on my way. I can't do it anymore. I don't have the energy left to fight.

    I'll be on here till tomorrow so I'll try to support everyone as best I can till then.

    Claire xx
  17. kenny

    kenny Well-Known Member

    :( No :( please try to hang on. why did he shout at you? Please, let somebody be there for you.

    I know its hard, but you have people who care and will miss you.
  18. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    I was meant to go for an ECG but I didn't, so he wasn't impressed. I said I wanted to die so I wasn't overly concerned with the state of my heart.

    He said I need to accept responsibility & take control so that's what I'm doing. Not to prove a point to him but I told myself I would if I didn't get any help from them today.

    I'm too tired to fight it anymore, I don't want to have to see these people again & I told him that. They're not helping, they've just made me worse.
  19. Mandy1

    Mandy1 Antiquities Friend & Senior Member

    Hang on in there claire,im sorry it didnt go well at the docs,but your trying and that shows strength,you can get through this,im thinking of you.Im sending you a big hug.
  20. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the hug Amanda. I thought I was trying too & I tried my best, it just isn't good enough though.
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