I don't know what to do anymore. I've focused all my time helping others..even when I set a time limit for myself to get better. I have a close friend who wants to kill himself, an ex and a friend just out of the hospital, and a best friend who wants nothing more to help me. I go around asking everyone their problems but each time I try to help, they get mad at me. Like I'm just a problem. Like I need to go away. I set a date for myself...and only two people care. No one else bothers to convince me...to push me on the right path. I told my friend a story once When I was little and I got bullied on the playground, I'd take it until it hurt. Then I would scream "LEAVE ME ALONE" as loud as I possibly could. I'd keep screaming until my lungs gave out. Screaming for them to stop...I didn't do anything wrong. I feel like that now. I am screaming and everyone is just standing there...watching me. I feel alone and useless. I try everything to help my friends...but it doesn't work. They suffer...and I just want to take their pain away. I'm just overwhelmed and panicked...I can't do anything right. It came to the point where I did pp (abbreviation to censor, since it may be a method. its not illegal) to get high and forget everything, just hours ago. Now it went away and I feel even worse. I wanna scream...but I can't. I wanna cry, but I've cried way too much. I make people so mad and upset and frustrated at me. The abuse and molestation in my past is getting to me. I never had a childhood...I had to mature at the age of ten. I want to live again I want this to go away I wanna die I'm tired of it I can't survive anymore of this I CANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!