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Discussion in 'Welcome' started by magentapink13, Dec 27, 2011.

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  1. magentapink13

    magentapink13 Member

    Hello. This is my first post. I am excited to have found this forum since depression is sneaking up on me again. It's been at the brink for months now but since I cut down on meds for clinical depression (tired of being numb) I am sad, tired and have had fits of rage with my dear family. I am married and have four young children. I blew up at my husband for something that wasn't as big as I made it and have been short with my children. I layed my head on my husband's chest as he fell asleep, taking breaths with open mouth so I wouldn't let on I was crying. I'm so angry at the ugly mommy and wife I've been yet don't want to go back to numb either. I'm tired of friends who really aren't and when you always hear how wonderful your husband is and how "lucky" you are - well, he really is all these things and I really am lucky and know it. But I'm tired of being overlooked. An incurable introvert who is very sensitive, artistic and requires lots of quiet time to be artistic and of course I seldom get quiet time with four kids and a husband who works long hours. I know how blessed I am but have started the, "they'd be better off without me" thoughts again. It's gross to be thinking so much of myself but I am angry and hurt and tired of feeling like an alien on this planet. I'm going to be selfish right now and allow myself to feel bad and sorry for myself ... misunderstood. I hope I can find others here who know what I'm talking about. I realize I spend too much time worrying about my looks, my aging thirty - something body - because I'm afraid if I don't look pretty I simply won't be noticed by anyone. I've never felt pretty on the inside.
  2. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    HI Pink and welcome to SF's.. your intro post touched so many things that i have gone thru myself.. i do understand and it very jmuch so hon.. my pills are needed by me or get so far donw and little psychotic without them.. know numb most mornngs myself also. snowed in to the top of my head often.. only so much coffee one can ingest to fight the med fog.. if you are getting really angry and heavy thoughts of suicide for yourself, you may have to take the pills.. those are even worse than the med fog hon.. maybe a lower dose is a happy medium.; talk to your psychiatrist about this..

    looking after the kids all day while husband escaptes to work is really tough.. very darn hard to greet hubby at door each night with a smile on your kisser.. very damn tough.. i hope you get comfortable enuf on here to have a place where you can truly just be yourself in the moment.. rant, scream, little crying and take the walls donw and no mask of it all.. your intro post was some of that right off the bat.. keep it up please .. i want to hear from you some more... we have a depression forum and relationshiip forums further down your screeen.. subjects might be relavant for you another place for you to look at and post some...

    take care of Pink hon.. later, Jim
  3. magentapink13

    magentapink13 Member

    Hi Jim - thank you for your gentle, friendly words - like a cup of hot coffee with lotsa whipped cream on top on a really cold day. Thank you. I think I need to get back on a low dose of my meds too. My dr is just a general practitioner as I've had no luck finding a psychiatrist who gets me. The last one tried to pin me with ADHD and if you knew me you'd know how ridiculous this is. Anyhow, I look forward to meeting everyone here. ~ Sarah
  4. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    Welcome. :hiya:
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun so hard with the meds i get that i do hope you are able to get on newer meds that don't numb you out hun but help stablize the emotions some hugs
  6. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Hi Sarah,

    It is my pleasure to meet you and extend my warmest thoughts. I wish you every bit of comfort for your pain. :hug:

  7. magentapink13

    magentapink13 Member

    thank you, Total Eclipse. not sure what I'm going to do yet but things aren't too good right now.

    ---------- Post added at 11:10 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:09 PM ----------

    thank you, Alex.
  8. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Welcome to the forums!! I hope you continue to post here, Because you are asmongst friends..
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