Hello. This is my first post. I am excited to have found this forum since depression is sneaking up on me again. It's been at the brink for months now but since I cut down on meds for clinical depression (tired of being numb) I am sad, tired and have had fits of rage with my dear family. I am married and have four young children. I blew up at my husband for something that wasn't as big as I made it and have been short with my children. I layed my head on my husband's chest as he fell asleep, taking breaths with open mouth so I wouldn't let on I was crying. I'm so angry at the ugly mommy and wife I've been yet don't want to go back to numb either. I'm tired of friends who really aren't and when you always hear how wonderful your husband is and how "lucky" you are - well, he really is all these things and I really am lucky and know it. But I'm tired of being overlooked. An incurable introvert who is very sensitive, artistic and requires lots of quiet time to be artistic and of course I seldom get quiet time with four kids and a husband who works long hours. I know how blessed I am but have started the, "they'd be better off without me" thoughts again. It's gross to be thinking so much of myself but I am angry and hurt and tired of feeling like an alien on this planet. I'm going to be selfish right now and allow myself to feel bad and sorry for myself ... misunderstood. I hope I can find others here who know what I'm talking about. I realize I spend too much time worrying about my looks, my aging thirty - something body - because I'm afraid if I don't look pretty I simply won't be noticed by anyone. I've never felt pretty on the inside.