I can't do it...The other night had a massive panic attack in my bfs bathroom...He was banging and shouting and I could hear but not move...My breathing got heavier and faster, I was shaking and sweating but very cold. It lasted what felt like a lifetime..Then I was so very tired and I just wanted everything to end. Life isn't worth it. Nothing is worth the pain I have been through and am still going through. All I can think about is suicide and I just had the overwhelming rush earlier and I wanted nothing more than to just die. Just...be gone. I have been able to work through this in the past and coming here has helped but this time is different. I can't get through this...I might just be able to struggle on for a few more days to see my nan on her birthday but then it will happen. And I can't stop it, I don't have control anymore it's like my mind is taking over and there is nothing I can do. Not sure I will stay around here much longer, not that anyone would notice anyway (I know you will say "I will notice", but truly you will not) All except from one member, to whom I am sorry and I thank for the support recently (They know who they are) Now I have to face this hell called "life" and put back on my "mask";not that it's doing much good currently.