Owe girlfriend money

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by LastHope, Mar 20, 2013.

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  1. LastHope

    LastHope Member

    For the last couple of years I was in a very dark place in my life. I couldn't look after myself very well but luckily I had a girlfriend who was able and willing to support me. She basically paid for my life during that time. Now that I'm back on my feet, I really want to make sure I pay her back at least everything I owe her. She's not as bothered about this as I am, but I want to restore the proper balance of our relationship. My problem is that I don't know how much I should give as we didn't keep records! We have bank statements for some of it and can make rough guesses for other parts but it's not particularly accurate. No matter what figure I come up with, I keep thinking perhaps I should pay more? I really want to make this situation right and restore balance to our relationship, but how can when I can't come up with an accurate amount? Even when I think that's definitely enough, I wonder whether or not it is and feel tremendously guilty about possibly short-changing her. Frustrating situation.
  2. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Have you considered telling her that you'd like to discuss something that is important to you, then inviting her out somewhere quiet (perhaps a place to eat that is not busy and with distractions?) and then explaining to her how you feel insofar as how you wish to repay her for her kind assistance to you when you were in your time of need? I think she would appreciate that you have the concern and that you wish to equalize things with her. Perhaps bring her a small gift too (card? single flower? etc., something simple but from the heart) and tell her that it is an expression of your gratitude, but let her know too that you are deeply concerned in regard to making sure that you make up for the debt you feel is owed.

    Honesty and openness are foundations for a lasting relationship.
  3. LastHope

    LastHope Member

    Thanks for your reply, I have discussed it with her and she's genuinely not too bothered about it, she just seems glad I'm back on my feet. I feel like I need to repay her kindness though, otherwise I'm going to be constantly bothered by the fact that she's given me far more than I've given her. I feel a great deal of shame about it... Feel I need repay my debt in order for it to away. If it was an exact amount of money I would happily arrange with her to pay her back, but it's the fact that she basically paid for everything for the last couple of years, you can't really figure out an amount. Not really sure what to do.
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    That is so honorable of you...just start paying her...an amount will emerge and that is when you feel the balance...I think the act of repaying is more of the lesson than the actual amount because it sounds like her contribution was priceless, and she should know that
  5. FrainBart

    FrainBart Staff Alumni

    This is really lovely to hear, and honestly, it is the gesture that you want to repay that matters most to her by the sounds of it. perhaps, if you really are so insistent on repaying, take her out for a nice meal, or cook one yourself, get her something that shows how much she means to you

    (whoops wrong way around)
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I can tell you're a very caring and considerate person, high five to you lol! I think maybe you should take your girlfriend out for a nice meal, let her choose the place. While there discuss with her why you feel the need to pay her back and ask her how you can do so, :hug:
  7. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I applaud your sense of responsibility and and ability to acknowledge the contribution she made to you. If you live together (I am unsure and do not want to presume) you can simply assume a greater role in things if working a "repayment" schedule is not possible - just pay all of certain bills that may have been split before or all of rent allowing her savings in those things to be the discretionary income she lost in the previous times by assisting you. This can be done without a lot of discussion. It works to balance without feeling like a gift of love was attached a monetary value.

    Any method you arrive at makes you a better person for it.
  8. fatloser

    fatloser Banned Member

    How about instead of coming up with a dollar amount, think of her bills you can help out with? Take her out on dates, buy her flowers, show her that you appreciate everything she did for you. If you are in a real relationship, dollar figures don't matter, its the thought that counts. And if she finds herself in a similar position, you will be there to help her out of it. A relationship is suppose to be a team effort, so when one of the team members isn't able to perform, the other picks up the slack, and vice versa. If you think of it always being you taking care of yourself and her taking care of herself, you will never truly be a team and the relationship won't work.
  9. Spacey

    Spacey Member

    You could always get creative and, "Pay it Forward" with her and see where her love for helping you could lead?

    Even after all this time,
    the sun never says to the earth, “You owe me!”
    Look what happens with a love like that,
    it lights up the whole sky.
    Some ideas to do with her..
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